


Havoc at Garreg Mach

by MetaDash



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Gen, also some slight canon bending?, crackkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-09
Updated: 2020-03-07
Packaged: 2021-01-26 04:27:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 27,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21368158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MetaDash/pseuds/MetaDash
Summary: A series of warnings and notices issued by Seteth as people at the monastery continue to bend the rules and generate bedlam. FE16, Silver Snow route *mostly*, but has spoilers for the ENTIRE game, you have been warned. Inspired by Mistress Nika's "Please Stop Eating the Hell Butterflies" from FF.net and a spiritual successor to my other fic, "The Plight of the Lycian Alliance Army". Total crack. AULinks to these two fics:https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5982232/1/Please-Stop-Eating-The-Hell-Butterflieshttps://archiveofourown.org/works/7264024
Comments: 37
Kudos: 91





	1. White Clouds - Great Tree Moon

**Attention, everyone. Starting now, these notices will be to address and curtail very inappropriate behavior here at the monastery. If you see your name, kindly try to correct your actions. Thank you.**

**-Seteth**

* * *

**Bernadetta** \- Please stop hiding in your room whenever you have classes. You are at this place to learn. Make an effort to be more social or you will not be able to attend for much longer.

**Byleth** \- Welcome to the monastery, Professor. As you have chosen the Black Eagle house to teach, I will advise you to get to know all of your students well. What? Some students from the other houses are interested? We can discuss arrangements at a later date.

**Caspar** \- Apologize at once for punching that guard. He did not look "shady", he was delivering food to some orphans!

**Dorothea** \- I suppose your hat shall be allowed even though it is not part of the regular uniform. Can you explain why you keep muttering the word "menacing" when you're near me?

**Edelgard** \- As house leader, you must set an example to the other Black Eagles. A professor's time must be divided equally, so you may not constantly address your professor as "sensei" and kick your fellow students out of the classroom so you may have solo lessons. "I'm the future emperor" is no excuse.

**Ferdinand **\- We shall not have jousting competitions between the nobles and the commoners.

**Hubert** \- We do not make lists of our enemies, organized by your preferred torture methods. Dispose of it or I shall inform the Archbishop.

**Linhardt **\- Please do not take naps in the greenhouse. Students have to go around you when they're watering the plants.

**Petra** \- When someone says someone has a green thumb, it means they have a knack for gardening. Stop inspecting Dedue's hands when he's trying to clear out the weeds.

* * *

**To be continued...**

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It suddenly came to me. This concept...FITS Three Houses EXTREMELY well, with Seteth being a much better person of reason than my Merlinus was. So I'm going to do it, and the key is making the escalation natural - soon I'll add more students, the teachers, Rhea, Flayn, and some other surprises. Because it always demands Seteth's presence, Silver Snow is technically the "route"...but it's gonna have some curveballs...
> 
> The original story with FE6 was one of my first stories back in 2015. I said I didn't want to do it for more games, but it's been a long time, and honestly? I need something I can laugh at again. Pick My Edits was fun but also exhausting in the end. So I hope you guys are ready for more chaos :)
> 
> Once again I owe the concept to Mistress Nika's Please Stop Eating the Hell Butterflies, a Bleach fic. Check that out along with the FE6 variant on this, my The Plight of the Lycian Alliance Army if you haven't already! Oh, and as you can see, I've decided to shift gears on how I write ending blurbs.
> 
> Updates will be kinda quick so check back for the next part!


	2. White Clouds - Harpstring Moon

**And the winner of the mock battle is the Black Eagle house! Well done, although I'm seeing things that are causing….some concern, to see the least.**

**-Seteth**

* * *

**Bernadetta** \- Try to get along with your fellow students. It is not very practical to have a journal where you organize how terrifying they are. On an unrelated note, I am not pleased I am close to the top.

**Byleth** \- Why on earth do you dress in such an outfit, anyway? Er….I simply ask because it seems something that Professor Manuela would wear. Did she convince you to keep wearing it?

**Caspar** \- It is not wise to challenge _Jeralt _of all people to an arm-wrestling contest. You think doing it when he's drunk is going to slow him down? You naïve boy.

**Claude **\- Your attempts to convince me that you're a good sport do not fool me. You coated your hand with a stomach-cramping poison so every Black Eagle student that shook your hand, baring the professor, was in serious pain later. Don't be proud of yourself that it worked.

**Dimitri** \- There is such a thing as being too polite, you know. You all have classes to attend and shaking everyone's hand after the battle was wasting too much time.

**Dorothea **\- I think we need to address your nicknames. Bern, Ferdie, Edie, Hubie….hm? I am not saying you stop. Petra only wishes to wonder why she doesn't have have one.

**Edelgard** \- The mock battle was a friendly competition. You play innocent but perhaps the smug looks at the Blue Lion and Golden Deer students is a little much.

**Ferdinand** \- Yes I know you're Ferdinand von Aegir, you don't need to keep saying it.

**Hubert **\- You do not amplify your lady's ego by comparing the defeated students to dirt under her shoes. Also please don't laugh like that.

**Jeralt** \- The whole school knows that you are Professor's father. Proud as you are, you don't need to keep saying "I made _her_!" to everyone. And why didn't you give her a more appropriate outfit?

**Lady** **Rhea** \- I am pleased you enjoyed witnessing the mock battle. Although after the ninth time you asked me if I saw what the Professor did, I stopped listening.

**Linhardt** \- I have received several complaints that you do not think highly of our….shall we say vertically challenged students. Put the tape measure away.

**Petra -** Well done in getting Bernadetta out of her room to fight, but putting her in that tree so she can be lookout was not well thought out. She was screaming for someone to let her down. No, we do not teach tree climbing in the Fodlan curriculum.

* * *

**To be continued...**


	3. White Clouds - Garland Moon

**Alois - **I've received complaints from Jeralt; he would prefer you stop addressing him as "Captain". No, I don't think he'd take very kind to "Senpai" either.

**Bernadetta** \- It is not student abuse for your professor to pair you up with Hubert to pull weeds. We all must do our fair share of chores.

**Byleth** \- Well done on routing all the bandits in the Red Canyon. But the amount of detail you pull into your reports is….focused on the wrong things, shall we say. I don't mind concise explanations, but drawing diagrams of how each student killed x y and z bandit is rather gratuitous. No I do not need this in color.

**Caspar** \- Your professor tells me you enjoyed caving in Kostas's skull a little _too_ much. Put the axe away and report to some choir practice.

**Claude** \- Your requests to join "Teach" are denied. You are the house leader of the Golden Deer, you're not here to socialize.

**Dimitri** \- You are not allowed to lead kitchen duty anymore. I'm sorry but you've broken too many dishes.

**Dorothea** \- Control your skill at vocal exercises. That high note shattered one of the windows of the cathedral. The cost will be deducted from your house's monthly budget.

**Edelgard** \- You may not chose who you do chores with, only your professor. If she wants you to tend to horses with Linhardt, you obey. Request to switch him with the professor denied. Request to switch him with Hubert also denied.

**Ferdinand** \- Do not rig tournament matches so you will always be matched up against Edelgard.

**Hubert** \- I suggest you stop scaring Bernadetta. On second thought, your smile is just as unnerving. We'll discuss it.

**Jeralt **\- Alois has better and more knightly things to do than fetch you drinks and play cards with you. You are to follow the tasks of Lady Rhea, not waste the monastery's time and budget.

**Lady Rhea** \- Please, we must increase each house's allowance based on their cooperation and efficiency. I would advise against giving the Black Eagles a raise simply because the Professor waved at you at this morning, my lady.

**Leonie** \- Request to transfer class accepted, but I do hope you understand the Professor does not have a bunch of Jeralt "fun facts" she can tell you. She's hardly talkative as is.

**Linhardt** \- If you leave Edelgard to do all the work again, Professor Manuela will be more than happy to show you blood samples at the infirmary.

**Petra** \- I don't know who taught you such a phrase but do not say "hoes are feeling the mad" anymore, lest of all in my presence. No I will not tell you what a "hoe" is, and you are forbidden from asking anyone on the subject.

**Sylvain** \- Request to transfer class accepted, but I do hope you have a little more motivation to join other than your professor being female and her attire. ….wait a moment, did _you_ encourage her to keep wearing that get-up?

* * *

**To be continued...**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've started to name the chapters AFTER the months but I don't think it'll always be one chapter/month. Depends. Also I'll have students on here before they formally "join", as it's limiting otherwise. I simply don't have everyone at once in the beginning to give the story a sense of progression.


	4. White Clouds - Blue Sea Moon

**Alois** \- You and Leonie may not start a Jeralt fanclub.

**Ashe** \- I am sorry for your father's demise, but there is no reason to keep cowering in fear every time you see Catherine. The rebellion had to be quelled.

**Bernadetta **\- I have more important things to do than telling Linhardt not to nap where you paint. Don't pretend you don't paint OR write. You have a lot of hobbies.

**Byleth** \- The dining hall boosts motivation of our students, but this does not mean you can consistently treat them. Our chefs work hard enough thanks to….certain students with a large appetite.

**Caspar - **No you may not join the choir. The director said you consistently sing offkey.

**Catherine** \- Have _some_ tact. Apologizing to Ashe does not mean you say "sorry I stabbed Lord Lonato with my relic, can I treat you to some lunch?". No, not even if you make puppy dog eyes.

**Claude **\- I am watching you. Whispering to random students about your theories on "who else the Archbishop has ordered dead" will _not _be tolerated.

**Cyril** \- Everyone is allowed to see the Archbishop. Dispose of that schedule you made of her meeting times, that is **my **job. Most of the entries favor _you!_

**Dedue** \- Watch what your house leader eats.

**Dimitri** \- You may not have more weeds to try to cheer up Ashe. ….or as training snacks.

**Dorothea** \- Get away from Claude, he is spreading false rumors. No I will not tell you the sordid history of the Archbishop's command, that is not for student ears. "Pretty please" is not a bargaining chip.

**Edelgard** \- The solution to making Bernadetta less anxious is _not_ to turn weeds into something she can inhale. She screams every time you approach her, and now you wish to introduce hallucinogens?

**Felix **\- Stop making excuses to not be in the same room as Dimitri. The weakest is by far "I'm allergic to filthy boars".

**Ferdinand** \- Your attempts to try to make Linhardt more noble are in vain. I can barely discipline him as is.

**Hilda** \- Please do not encourage the lazy habits of Professor Manuela, who teaches your house. It is not "training" to have the both of you paint your nails and take power naps!

**Hubert** \- You may not threaten your Professor_. Hinting_ at a threat still counts. I know you're only doing it for Edelgard but there are frankly more relevant foes. …I do not mean me!

**Jeralt** \- When someone questions your history with Lady Rhea, the first thing NOT to do is sigh wearily and say she's not paying you enough. She already showers your child with money.

**Lady Rhea** \- I don't think the best way to cheer up Ashe is to tell him, straight-faced, that Lonato was an enemy of the church and "got what he deserved". Catherine is not helping matters my lady.

**Leonie** \- You and Alois may not start a Jeralt fanclub.

**Linhardt **\- I'm glad Bernadetta's art inspires you, but I insist you do not give her painting suggestions. The hobby is to help her relax, not freak out because you say she's doing it wrong.

**Manuela** \- You are a horrible example for Hilda's studies. Don't look so happy that it's one less student you'll need to instruct.

**Petra** \- When you begin a new lesson, please wash your hands of any fox blood from hunting sessions. The amount of panic you induce by saying "oh no, my hands are bloody, did it leak on me?" in the middle of study hall is immense.

**Raphael** \- You are allowed THREE meals a day. Not five. Not seven. Not midnight snacks. Do not think you can get it through bribing, as the Golden Deer budget is not in your command. Why are you looking over at Professor Byleth?

**Sylvain** -Your Professor simply doesn't _get _all the sexual puns and gestures you use to try to hit on her, so stop it for all of our sakes. And if I hear you tell them to Flayn, heads _will_ roll.

* * *

**To be continued.....**

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The new DLC with the sauna, petting, and more invites much more tomfoolery. I was gonna use Jeritza anyways but I didn't even think about Anna. Started a fresh run to get them both.
> 
> I also corrected myself on the month again, now with part 1/2 subtitle. If you get confused, just remember the month takes place right before the story map at the end. First chapter was BEFORE mock battle, second BEFORE kostas, third BEFORE lonato, and now this one is AFTER lonato but before the Creator Sword.


	5. White Clouds - Verdant Moon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i had to change edelgard and hubert's original messages.someone pointed out there is no hresvelg relic.

**Alois** \- Yes, for the last time, I understand your joke about the numbers 7, 8, and 9. When trying to tell a joke, don't burst into laughter before you can even finish it.

**Anna** \- The tax is non-negotiable. You wish to sell wares in the plaza, you donate some of the sales to the church. Bribing me will not work.

**Annette** \- You are only allowed to take out so many library books at a time. Now pick yourself from the stairs you fell down from and collect them all.

**Ashe** \- No, the Professor is not going to use her new weapon to kill your siblings. I'm advising you attend some therapy to fight this fear of relics.

**Bernadetta** \- Stop hiding. Petra has insisted she not going to hunt you like prey. Do not make me call your Professor to find you, if there is one thing she has disdain for, it's students avoiding lessons.

**Byleth** \- Do not use the Creator Sword to destroy your student's door! It is not a toy! And you'll need to take both Bernadetta and Ashe for treatment now.

**Caspar -** _You_ are not allowed to touch the Creator Sword, Thunderbrand, or any other relic. No I am not discriminating against crestless students, I fear for the monastery's repair bill.

**Catherine** \- I am going to pretend you're kidding when you say, in a very embarrassed tone of voice, that you lost Thunderbrand. _Find it!_

**Claude** \- Don't be so surprised I ordered Shamir to tail you. You are the last person I want picking up a sword that shoots lightning at its foes. Do not ask me why it's not called "Lightningbrand".

**Cyril **\- Perhaps dragging a hungover Manuela out of her room and shaming her in front of the other teachers was a little….harsh? She can hold a nasty grudge.

**Dedue** \- I'd rather not explain why students burst out laughing every time you mention that you're planting seeds. Yes I know it's greenhouse work. Many have the mind of a 12-year-old.

**Dimitri** \- Please, do not aid in the search for Catherine's sword. I've seen enough broken training swords in the yard that I get a tad nervous at the very thought.

**Dorothea **\- When arranging for dates, try not to book two knights at the same time. They both declared you to be theirs and they actually fought, with armor. And swords. Tone down the flirting.

**Edelgard** \- As envious as you are of the Professor, your house does not carry a unique relic. Your requests to go to the capital to “check” fool no one.

**Felix** \- Request to change classes accepted. But you must work with them, not train alone. Defying Professor Byleth is a mistake you will come to regret, lest she smash down more doors to grab you.

**Ferdinand** \- When the two knights knocked each other out, you marched over, stepped on them, and held out a single flower to Dorothea. Yes it was a….noble gesture, but Dorothea's disdain for you was made quite clear. In front of many students. Stop asking everyone why she feels this way, only she can tell you. ….I said I do not know!

**Flayn **\- Flayn, Professor Byleth is exceptionally good at fishing, but this does not mean you ask her to fish for you each time you meet her. She is very busy.

**Hanneman** \- How many times will you request Professor Byleth just to see her crest?

**Hilda** \- Making jewelry is not part of your lesson plan.

**Hubert **\- You will not offer to construct a relic for Edelgard. These things are powerful weapons, not toys of amusement. Do not make me get the Archbishop involved.

**Ignatz** \- It is not heretical to think the Goddess would be an attractive being.

**Ingrid** \- Don't play innocent. Like Raphael, you enjoy the occasional 4th or 5th meal.

**Jeralt** \- I know you think the Archbishop is not being very forthcoming with you or your child. I am sorry, I only know what she informs me. What? Don't you think it's pretty ridiculous to suggest she has a fixation on your child?

**Jertiza **\- Stop challenging Professor Byleth to duels to the death.

**Lady Rhea **\- I appreciate you suggesting other outfits for Professor Byleth to wear. But I do not think a maid outfit would be very practical…are you saying you have a whole _closet_ of outfits?

**Leonie** \- I can sympathize with your frustration that students still think that you're a boy. However, I do not approve of screaming at them, exposing your chest, and smacking them repeatedly with your bra. Good heavens, how many of you need counseling?

**Linhardt** \- Mistaking Leonie's gender was not as easy of an error as you made it seem. Go to the infirmary.

**Lorenz **\- We do not separate students in the dining hall by class. No I do not want to see your diagrams and charts explaining your layout.

**Lysithea** \- You have the food pyramid inverted. We do _no_t put that much sugar in normal diets. It is not "brain food".

**Manuela **\- You're playing with fire, Professor. Getting revenge on Cyril by publicly _spanking_ him was going too far. I am having no more of this childish tit for tat between you two.

**Marianne** \- We do not take monastery cats into the classroom to accompany your lessons. No, knowing all the names you've given them will not make it ok.

**Mercedes** \- Are you saying you didn't get Alois's joke? Seven. Seven ate nine. I am not getting props to explain this better!

**Petra** \- It was not comforting to Bernadetta to innocently suggest the other students that "are also like prey" so she wouldn't feel alone. …What? Alone means they're not with anyone. It's an adjective. An adjective is-perhaps my explanations are too technical.

**Raphael** \- The chefs will go on strike if you don't give them a break. That will be fun for no one.

**Shamir **\- I appreciate the enthusiasm, but you don't need to handcuff Claude. Just return Thunderbrand to Catherine. ….fine, if you really want to, but free him before his next lesson.

**Sylvain** \- Felix is not "on his period".

**Tomas** \- I'm glad you were so concerned about the missing relic issue. However, you do not need to keep asking me if I've seen the Sword of the Creator.

* * *

**To be continued...**

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I'm just missing Gilbert for regular monastery folks. Fits just in time since this is right before Miklain.


	6. White Clouds - Horsebow Moon

**Attention, everyone! Flayn has gone missing and I am beside myself with worry. We must find her, please! Your usual tomfoolery this month is twice as aggravating!**

**-Seteth**

* * *

**Alois** \- I applaud you leading the efforts to locate her. But I must refuse your request to leave a fish out in the open as "bait" for her. She is not an animal!

**Anna** \- Take down those reward posters immediately! You think you'll give incentive everyone to find her, but Garreg Mach doesn't have 1,000,000 gold to just hand away!

**Annette** \- I do not know why your father keeps avoiding you. My sympathies.

**Ashe **\- No Catherine did _not_ kill Flayn! I am not entertaining this any longer. You sit until you finish all of your sessions, do you understand?

**Bernadetta** \- I….rather like the sweater you stitched for me. Perhaps more embroidery will do you good.

**Byleth** \- Alois's suggestion was completely ridiculous, and I can't believe you are doing it. Put back EVERY single of fish you got out of the pond, including the ones you stuffed in your quarters. The stench is unbearable now.

**Caspar** \- You are off the search force. Shaking down everyone you see and trying to pry out confessions will not get us anywhere. The complaints I have against you are piling up on my desk!

**Catherine **\- No, whoever kidnapped Flayn did not do it because "she resembles a smaller version of Lady Rhea". N-No, I see why someone might think that but…..just keep looking!

**Claude** \- It is a possibility, but I take umbrage at your rather callous suggestion of "maybe the Death Knight got her in the middle of the night". The last thing we need is for other students to start worrying about him.

**Cyril** \- I agree that everyone could be a suspect. Once again however, you leave yourself out of the equation. Well I do not _know_, I remember Flayn being upset you're quite prickly with her. How dare you accuse _me_ of doing it?!

**Dedue** \- Thank you for your assistance, but keeping guard 24 hours a day is not good for your health. Not to mention you're scaring every student that glances at your tired eyes.

**Dimitri **\- I share your anger at the suspect. However I am a little unnerved at you're….shall we say zeal? We can decide on an appropriate punishment for them. Your suggestions are a tad too graphic for my tastes.

**Dorothea** \- It is a limited scope to think that only a noble could be behind this. Commoners are also capable of doing heinous things, too. No I am not "picking a side"!

**Edelgard **\- Why on earth do you think _Lady Rhea_ is responsible? Have you been talking to Claude?

**Felix** \- The absolute _audacity_ to suggest that Flayn could be _dead_! Yes I must prepare myself for the worst but that is an utterly disgusting thing to say out loud in front of her own brother!

**Ferdinand **\- You have searched every single room at the monastery, but you are running yourself ragged. She would not be in the latrine disposal system, in the stable hay, or trapped in the statues of one of the Four Saints!

**Flayn** \- …Please. Come home safe.

**Gilbert** \- I cannot force you to address your daughter, but she is a diligent student that has so far caused the least amount of trouble for this school.

**Hanneman** \- Your theories of why someone took her seem reasonable. But I must give you a hard refusal on Flayn's birth documents. I will warn you once, Professor Hanneman.

**Hilda** \- Stop your whining. Your Professor is clearly impressed by your combat parameters, so you get used more in combat. You are not as delicate as you insist you are.

**Hubert** \- Do you not wish to make anyone _less_ suspicious of you? Yes everyone can be a suspect, but smiling evilly and chuckling is a terrible way to make whoever is guilty confess. And it is not a good idea for me to have reason to suspect you.

**Ignatz** \- Flayn did not disappear simply because she did not like your painting of Saint Cethleann. She is er, merely an expert on her. She has not seen it. It's beautiful.

**Ingrid** \- Yes I _know_ Sylvain was talking about his relic when he said it was, quote, "long, hard, and quite pointy". Some students merely stared when you argued yours was, quote "longer, harder, and pointy-er". No, you do not need to clarify that you're still talking about relics.

**Jeralt **\- I think your theory of Flayn's kidnapper being "someone's who into that kinda thing" is more stomach churning that Felix guessing she was departed from this world.

**Jeritza** \- ….where did you go?

**Lady Rhea** \- Fear is a powerful motivator. But I think you ominously announcing you will punish the sinner behind Flayn's absence unfortunately reinforces _certain students'_ incorrect assumptions.

**Leonie** \- You needing to take value out of everything is getting out of hand. There comes a point where a garment has so many holes in it you need to throw it away. Yes, Bernadetta has sewed it up about a half dozen times.

**Linhardt** \- Our foes do not have a "crest-sucking machine" to use on Flayn. Good heavens you've taken the cake for the most ridiculous guess on this.

**Lorenz** \- Do you want to help find Flayn or not? You cannot request to stop and go change into "woods-appropriate clothing" when the Knights are looking. We are pressed for time.

**Lysithea** \- I don't know where to begin. If you think the kidnapper only targets young girls you cannot exclude yourself from the possibility. No, if they're targeting girls regardless, why would they ONLY take you because of your "vast intelligence" and not because you are only 15? No 15 is _not _adult age. This is a battle you really do not want to die on.

**Manuela** \- ….where did _you_ go?

**Marianne** \- Praying for Flayn only does so much. Please, try to look for her. No I do not think you'll be a burden, you cannot be worse than Caspar, Felix, or Ferdinand at this.

**Mercedes** \- Thank you for baking sweets to try to lift everyone's spirits. But after the 9th or 10th package you've left by my door, I'm afraid I must tell you to stop. The cooks are already angry Raphael drains their ingredients.

**Petra **\- Stop diving into the pond to look for Flayn! She is not some amphibious creature that only lives for fish!

**Raphael **\- Request to transfer classes accepted. Now, go study instead of snacking.

**Shamir** \- Suspicion was placed on yourself for being Dagdan. If you truly wish to handcuff persons of interest, you must include yourself lest you give me reasonable doubt. Oh, you….ran out of them. But _half _the monastery is bound. What? You can get more in a few days? Um….no thanks. Just free everyone.

**Sylvain** \- Your brother has been dealt with, and while I appreciate you taking responsibility, you can put the Lance of Ruin away now.

**Tomas** \- Three teachers missing now. I think we've found our targets…..

* * *

**To be continued...**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slight description edit. The story mostly follows the Silver Snow path, but I want some curveballs.


	7. White Clouds - Wyvern Moon

**Prepare yourselves for the Battle of the Eagle and Lion, to take place at Grounder Field at the end of the month! Also there's a fishing contest going on, enter if you wish.**

**-Seteth**

* * *

**Alois **\- You've consulted with Professor Byleth, myself, and even Gilbert. We've all tried to help you improve your fishing game. You need to try a different approach. We've discussed it, and well, you might just be scaring them.

**Anna** \- Contestants may not purchase dead fish from you to enter in the competition.

**Annette** \- If you wish to get Gilbert's attention, stubbornly trying to outdo him in every aspect of his life is an exhausting way to go about it. You can hardly fish and all that armor is weighing you down. I'd advise a wardrobe change.

**Ashe** \- I do not care if Anna offered you a good deal, you will be disqualified if you enter something you did not catch.

**Bernadetta** \- Your prose is quite impressive. However, I suggest not going into so much detail of your worst, most terrifying nightmares. I've received several complaints that students find this book particularly traumatizing to read.

**Byleth** \- Thank you vowing to protect Flayn in your class, Professor. You have my thanks.

**Caspar **\- Winning a brawling tournament does not mean you will win a sword tournament. Especially when you swing it like it's an axe.

**Catherine** \- You and Cyril may not duel on "who is more loyal to Lady Rhea".

**Claude** \- I suspect Jertiza is the Death Knight as well, but there is no way to confirm just yet. No, I don't know where Jertiza got that magic ominous voice filter either.

**Cyril** \- You will not duel Catherine. And one fairly duels with a sword, not a concealed switchblade.

**Death Knight** \- Whether you are or are not Jertiza, it does not matter. I will make sure a terrible fate befalls you should you ever touch Flayn again. _Mark my words_.

**Dedue **\- I'd advise you do not converse with Claude. You do not have "a D-word pass".

**Dimitri **\- While I would like Caspar to learn some humility, I am not sure you are a suitable opponent to best him with swords. I know you can be polite but you're not demonstrating proper sword technique either! Both of you will destroy the training grounds!

**Dorothea** \- I am aware Bernadetta's story alludes to some difficult memories regarding her father. Yes I know you wish to protect her. Please put the brass knuckles away, you cannot travel to the empire and simply deck Count Varley in the face. …..but I appreciate your zeal against cruel fathers.

**Edelgard** \- You honestly expect me to believe, when I ask you why do you always converse with Monica, that you're "talking about dreamy boys"? Your straight-laced expression defiles your answer. Focus on your lessons.

**Felix** \- Show a little more respect towards the opposite sex. "Get married" and "have kids" are not appropriate things to say to aspiring female students. Yes, I know it's a perfectly fine option as an adult. You did not mean it as such.

**Ferdinand **\- Pleased to hear Dorothea is cluing you in on her disdain. But please do not take her words literally and declare yourself as "Ferdibee von Aegir". Put those wings away.

**Flayn** \- I am pleased to hear that you are enjoying your Professor's classes. …what? You wish to participate in the Battle of the Eagle and Lion as well? Very well, but I insist that you do not stray from Professor Byleth's side. ….no, you don't have to piggyback ride her. Even if she allows it.

**Gilbert **\- I cannot force Annette to stop. She's already carving her own wood sculptures to spite yours. If you wish to make it end, talk with her.

**Hanneman** \- "Age is but a number" is not a very good thing to say around Lysithea's ears. It_ boldens _her.

**Hilda** \- When I instruct you to clean the library, I meant _you_. Not to rope Raphael and Caspar into lifting stacks of books for you. Please do not look so proud of yourself for pulling it off.

**Hubert **\- I….do not know why pegasus knight examinations are female only. Why do you ask?

**Ignatz** \- Duscur is a region where it is alright to mention it by name. Do not formally request the Archbishop to give you said D-word pass. It doesn't exist!

**Ingrid **\- You wish to warn people on Sylvain's flirtatious history, but you WILL be explaining to a myriad of confused students on what a "GILF hunter" is.

**Jeralt** \- Lady Rhea is free to invite anyone to sit in the sauna with her. She extended said invitation to your child, so it was rather rude to barge in, change, and stubbornly sit on the opposite side of Byleth. I assure you, the Archbishop is not taking advantage of her.

**Lady Rhea** \- My lady, I would advise you get some rest. The sauna boss reported you kept burning wood to increase the steam. He suspects that you did it purely to see Byleth sweat more and make Jeralt want to leave, but this remains unverified. At least you look ahem….refreshed?

**Leonie** \- The sauna boss has bouncers now. If you want to sit and sweat with Jeralt, you'll need to go through them first. They_ are_ armed. Sign up on the sheet like normal….you cannot book yourself for weeks!

**Linhardt **\- You will stop purposefully taking tests at 30% pass rate. You think failing on purpose will force your lessons to be more relaxed. You are terribly mistaken.

**Lorenz** \- Request to transfer classes accepted, and I applaud you for even supplying Professor Byleth with more formal attire. However, you may not demand she fail anyone that spreads rumors about you.

**Lysithea **\- Request to transfer classes accepted. You felt Professor Manuela was not challenging you, and you seem to be more responsive under Professor Byleth's care. But you may not change the age on your information card to "?". Yes I know your teacher has that too. Jeralt is just too lazy to count the years she's been alive.

**Manuela **\- I hope you recover from the Death Knight's attack. However, please stop teaching your students on the art of _revenge_. You will spur some dangerous habits. At the same time, I do apologize for...possibly suspecting you. No, I will not buy you a drink.

**Marianne** \- Hilda has insisted she be your "accountability buddy", as she puts it. Normally I would be skeptical but many are concerned about your state of mind. If you have no objections, you will join her class.

**Mercedes** \- Please make sure you're certain before claiming "the Death Knight was my baby brother". You realize many would raise an eyebrow at an audacious sounding sentence?

**Monica** \- Going the extra mile to convince me you and Edelgard are discussing what you say you are, eh? Be that as it may you will not spread the rumor that Lorenz "sniffs girls' feet". Do something productive with your new time in the Black Eagles.

**Petra** \- If you wish to skin what you catch and then cook it, do not do it front of Flayn. It frightens her. Did I not tell you to be wary of any animal blood on you?

**Raphael **\- Lysithea does not like to be treated as a child. So when you picked her up, hugged her tightly, and tussled her hair she responded appropriately with a Luna blast. Go to the infirmary immediately. No this is dangerous magic, you cannot "walk it off".

**Shamir **\- You are the judge of a fishing contest. I think the makeshift crown and "Queen of the Fish" title is overdoing it just a tad.

**Sylvain** \- Trying to dispel Ingrid's claims with "she was really hot, okay?" is not helping your public image.

**Tomas **\- Your alibi checks out, it seems, that you were in the library researching things. ….be that as it may, I would advise you do not disappear when panic is occurring…

* * *

**To be continued...**

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DLC "leaks" suggest they'll add in four brand new characters, which if true, is disappointing it's not more of the characters already unplayable. But at the same time I'll probably finish this fic before they're added so...


	8. White Clouds - Red Wolf Moon

**Alois - **Next time you want the Professor's help hoarding off pirates, you go through the proper channels and fill out paperwork. You do not leave a crudely written note under my door.

**Anna** \- You wield a crest lost to time, but this does not mean you can embellish greatly about your origins. Ernest certainly did not, quote, "shoot laser beams and have a chainsaw for an arm". Just because many students are gullible does not mean I am.

**Annette** \- This new attempt to spite Gilbert is especially ridiculous. To the point where you drag myself, Jeralt, Alois, and Hanneman to proximity of your father and loudly declare "_these_ are my daddies now". It would be best if I do not explain why so many students found this funny.

**Ashe** \- Request to transfer classes accepted. Your new professor has the knightly/mercenary combat experience you've been looking for, but it is not so unreasonable she does not know the story of Loog by heart. Like you. That you bring up every time you're in class, apparently.

**Bernadetta** \- So where Annette does it for spite, you do it for liberation. But impulsively tackling her to the ground and saying "no, Alois is _my _daddy now!" is…..a haphazard way of going about independence from your actual father.

**Byleth** \- Please do not buy fish from the vendors just to give to all the cats and dogs of the monastery. This is not optimal professor activity. Yes, even sweating in the sauna is more productive.

**Caspar** \- We certainly do not need a second Raphael in the dining hall. You _will_ take normal sized bites and portions. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to….negotiate with staff for a pay raise….

**Catherine** \- Do not be a hypocrite. You are right to disallow students from using your relic but making sounds with your mouth and shooting lightning bolts into the sky is being reckless.

**Claude** \- Drop the lockpick. There is nothing you need to see in the Archbishop's bedroom. Do you really think, even if it did exist, Lady Rhea would keep an assassination target list in a box _under her bed_?

**Cyril - **I did not approve attack hounds for Garreg Mach! …..but before I have them taken away, use them to scare away Claude.

**Dedue **\- Dimitri has formally requested you do not need to bath with him. Yes, even if you include a loofah.

**Dimitri **\- The dining hall is in the middle of pay negotiations and resource management. Offering to pluck them weeds for meals for them is not helping matters. …because only _you_ eat weeds.

**Dorothea** \- We will _not_ teach sexual education at Garreg Mach, no matter how earnest your suggestion is. The ramifications of doing so would be dire. Also this is not helping your knight flirting reputation.

**Edelgard **\- There is a limit on how many times you may inquire your professor for tea, as she is constantly busy. Employing Hubert to dispel of possible eavesdroppers or intruders is certainly not allowed.

**Felix** \- Dorothea is not "Sylvain but female".

**Ferdinand** \- Garreg Mach will not teach lessons "on the finer aspects of being a noble". You and Lorenz made a well-researched presentation. But I'd rather not promote class inequality even further.

**Flayn** \- I understand you wish to do more than be a healer for your class. But I object to you plopping a knife on your professor's desk, smiling innocently, and wishing to know the best technique! I hope not to see blood on your sleeves!

**Gilbert **\- You…..fool. You have sins and feel shame for what transpired all those years ago. But can't you see this is getting out of hand?! Your daughter was ready to take you back in her life, but you are only pushing her more and more away. I insist you have more passion for this situation.

**Hanneman - **You must've told the "Manuela eat a sandwich off the floor" story about 20 times now. I think we all _get_ it.

**Hilda** \- Clever thinking, taking all the swords, lances, knifes, and other sharp equipment away from Marianne's reach. Which of course, was immediately negated when you asked Flayn to hide them!

**Hubert** \- Release that student immediately, he was merely taking a walk through the garden! He was not spying on Edelgard and your professor! I will also be confiscating all of that torture equipment! It _is _torture, not "information extracting"!

**Ignatz** \- I do not know who taught you to keep saying "Jinkies, gang" but cease it immediately.

**Ingrid **\- Dedue is more than "one of the good ones". I understand you have baggage regarding Duscur but this institution must retain _some_ level of public decency. Report to sensitivity training.

**Jeralt **\- There have been reports of troubling things in Remire Village, none of which point to missed gambling debts on your part. At least _try_ to hide your relief and go investigate.

**Lady Rhea **\- I understand you wish to converse more with Professor Byleth. And you dislike hot beverages. I…I am not sure if the optimal beverage choice to give her is a tall drink of ice cold _milk_. She remains perplexed by your bright smile that accompanies it. Try, um, water.

**Leonie** \- It is admirable you wish to pay back your village for sending you here. But no one will buy this….junk you've acquired - snapped off swords, shattered shields, the clothes you claim Jeralt's power flows through, ripped textbooks….it _is_ junk. Putting a literal bow on it does not make it not junk.

**Linhardt** \- Request to transfer classes denied. Your professor has no tolerance for students that try to skate by with minimal effort. She will have you pull every weed on grounds until you improve. She is the perfect remedy to your consistent laziness.

**Lorenz** \- Well thank you for clarifying the reasoning behind your quest for a suitable partner. No we will not be supplying medical charts for you to analyze. If you get someone taller or someone allergic to roses, it is your cross to bear.

**Lysithea** \- You are horrible at defying your child-like tastes. You usually drink hot chocolate with lots of sugar. When you tried to "impress" the teachers by taking a swing of black coffee, you spat it out all over the wall in disgust. Clean it up, now.

**Manuela** \- Check your sources. The Death God gang was nothing more than a group of bandits, nothing to do with the Death Knight. "Almost it" only applies to horseshoe tossing.

**Marianne **\- You should consider yourself someone who matters if Hilda of all people is willing to handcuff herself to you so you do not harm yourself. Although please, work out a situation where you're not constantly in charge of bathing, dressing, and applying makeup to her. If this was a subtle way to ALSO avoid doing things, Hilda is smarter than I had realized.

**Mercedes** \- Request to change classes accepted. But…..I think you are in for a rude awakening if you think all Professor Byleth is doing is "fun". She is extremely competent but also very…..unorthodox.

**Monica** \- Must you constantly say Edelgard is your "bestest best friend forever until the end of time"? No, using the acronym BBFFUTEOT does not save time because you have to keep explaining it to clueless students.

**Petra** \- Your professor signed off on your class idea, but I certainly did not. We do not teach survival by placing a sack over our students, then dumping them in the woods armed with only a knife. We have a masked kidnapper with a scythe for a weapon. This is not a good combination. ….are you saying this was training in Briggid when you were _five_?

**Raphael** \- We must now respect…..the _union_ of our cooking staff. They now get holidays off.

**Shamir** \- I do not care how much you like Petra's idea. Do not supply the sacks and knives!

**Sylvain** \- You…I am just _frustrated_ with you. Like Hilda you seem to be incredibly smart under the guise of not taking anything seriously, and as such put most of your effort with innane things. Why use your time to gather Ashe, Ferdinand, and Lorenz together as your "posse", enter the crowded dining hall all wearing sunglasses, and then doing some bizarre dance? If you seriously think it _didn't_ creep all the girls out, you are wrong. What on earth is a "vibe check"?

**Tomas** \- I strongly object to the books you recommend to Claude. I think you and I need to have a chat….we'll schedule it at the beginning of next month.

* * *

**To be continued...**


	9. White Clouds - Etheral Moon

**Alois **\- You not only have your own family, you have your own responsibilities. Declaring Annette and Bernadetta as your surrogate daughters is not something you can authorize on your own. No, Gilbert does not have a door you can slide the notice under.

**Anna** \- The dances will be _tasteful_, and coordinated. Not chances for you to get people in compromising situations for blackmail! You think I do not about the magazine you write to?

**Annette** \- From the mortified look on your face, you seem have to learned your lesson. However, it seems the only way to fix this situation is through time. Live life, enjoy time with your friends, and focus on your lessons. Oh, I'll approve your class transfer.

**Ashe **\- I am aware that many are disillusioned with their father figure. It seems to be an unfortunate pattern in these times. Er, Flayn's father, and….by extension my own…..is not with us. You do not need to question beyond that.

**Bernadetta** \- Unfortunately your situation is a bit more complex. You are part of a noble house within the empire. If you truly wish to have Alois be your adoptive father, you must become of age and seek out on your own. This would entail being cut off from your own fortune and possibly incurring Count Varley's wrath. No, I will _not_ do this for you. Simply calling yourself Bernadetta Ragneld is not going to make it happen.

**Byleth **\- Thank you for your assistance at Remire, it is regrettable what happened there….a-are you sure you wish to keep wearing the outfit you came in to honor their memory? Really? What exactly is the story with it? "I found it there"? No, I reject this explanation. People do not just find clothes and wear them!

**Caspar **\- The wanted posters for the Flame Emperor are extremely not necessary. Do you think people need a crash course on who the masked person with white and red is? No you are _not _in charge of interrogating him if or when we capture him!

**Catherine **\- Why weren't you chosen to be a dance judge? Shamir has said, to put it bluntly, "that your dancing skills are offensively bad".

**Claude** \- You did not tell anyone that Tomas was an enemy all along. Stop being so smug about it.

**Cyril** \- We are trying to dispel attitudes like Hilda's. She claims you're one of the "good" Almayrans and the appropriate response is not to agree and say the rest are savages! Go to sensitivity training.

**Dedue** \- You….were trying to make a joke? Saying one day that it is "Deduesday" with your usual straightface and firm tone has only terrified people into blinding accepting that it is. Some are taping it over their calendars.

**Dimitri** \- I am growing concerned about your….state. You say everything is fine but we've had at least multiple incidents of you smashing things when someone mentions the Flame Emperor. Including clocks, trees, weapon stands, frying pans, stable doors, and bookcases. You need to relax, please.

**Dorothea** \- It appears dancing is one of your natural talents. You were chosen to be the representative for your house for the cup but this does not mean you get to show off and demonstrate 10 different types of dance. We are doing _waltzes_. Not….shaking your hips like _that._

**Edelgard **\- You seem particularly interested in the idea if the Flame Emperor has recruited students to his side. We do _not_ want this. I do not care what trivial name he would give to a group of student minions, but if I did, would it really be something as silly as "Flame Family Squad"?

**Felix** \- I agree that our foes are cowards. No, you're still not allowed to seek out the Death Knight OR the Flame Emperor to gauge their power. If we find them we will apprehend on sight and take their weapons.

**Ferdinand** \- Do you not have better things to do then create a glossary on what everyone's favorite tea types should be? The amount of description you include for each type is utterly massive, and thus makes the glossary heavier than it should be.

**Flayn **\- I am going to pay respects by myself on my own…..very well, you can come….no, do not invite so many people!

**Gilbert **\- Trying to reconnect with your daughter starts with more than wondering if she keeps a diary. No, fathers and daughters do not usually trade diaries. ….I am told.

**Hanneman** \- I cannot tell if treating Lysithea with genuine respect is humoring her, trying to get crest information out of her, or genuinely respecting her. A mix of all three?

**Hilda** \- There is only so much you can blame on your brother's letters, you know. Should I even be surprised you convinced Cyril to go to the seminar on your behalf, too?

**Hubert **\- I do not need a report covering Edelgard's actions throughout the Remire Village mission. If you're going to do this, do it for everyone in your class. "Who cares about them"? Then why bring this up?

**Ignatz** \- Claude chose you to represent your house in the White Heron Cup. A doctors' note to get out of it fails when said doctor is one of the judges.

**Ingrid **\- No matter how much Raphael goads you, do not engage him in eating contests. You must now deal with the bloated stomach and the restraining orders from dining hall staff. Your lithe figure betrays your hidden love of food.

**Jeralt** \- Your daughter is an adult. The Flame Emperor asked her to join him, but she declined; you do not need to sleep in the bushes outside her quarters. Although I suppose it's refreshing to see a protective father. …no, Lady Rhea is not conspiring with the Flame Emperor to lure Byleth away from you.

**Lady Rhea** \- I am sorry you are disappointed, but the houses pick students for the cup, not teachers. And now you want me to make a dancing outfit for Byleth….

**Leonie** \- I refuse to entertain anymore of these switching fathers requests. Your father was one of the people who sent you here, respect him for that. Jeralt is your _mentor._ I mean you _can_ have two fathers, but such an announcement has an implication, and….you're going to proudly exclaim it anyway. Why do I bother?

**Linhardt **\- It is NOT "Deduesday", stop wishing me to have a good one. We do not just change the names of our weekdays! You may not sleep in on "Linharday"!

**Lorenz** \- No you may not be a co-representative, one per house only. You just want to take the chance to dance with Dorothea to boost your apparent desire level. It is frightening how well I know your mind that I can guess this before it happens.

**Lysithea** \- Bullying is also a foolish way to appear older. Ashe was a purposefully weak choice on your behalf. Go ahead, try pushing someone like _Felix_ and demand he carry your books up the stairs.

**Manuela **\- You are there only to suggest the charm level to win the competition. Do not advise contestants to show off more skin or attempt to flirt with Alois and Shamir, just because you'd think it'd be funny. One is married and the other can acquire handcuffs and sacks with ease.

**Marianne** \- Unless you can get the handcuffs off, do not spend so much time petting Dorte. It's another excuse Hilda can use for missing lessons. Then again…..see if you can do some stable work while you're there, like gathering hay and scooping up manure. Manual labor will do both of you some good.

**Mercedes** \- Please be more careful the next time you wake up and leave for lessons. You neglected to put on pants. _Again._

**Monica **\- This cup is not "a contest on who's the easiest".

**Petra **\- Hm, a Briggid language course sounds interesting. But I will shut it down if it comes to light that you are teaching swears. No, a _curse _word. Yes I know you'll swear to teach we-just…..pay more attention to your own professor's words.

**Raphael** \- Ingrid winning does not neglect the restraining order you've gotten as well. Your classmates will now need to give your meals in your rooms, under your door.

**Shamir** \- Is this some way to have your own twisted fun? It was clear Dorothea was going to win, you didn't have to test bizarre contortions and make the contestants bend every which way. Ignatz is a crumpled mess on the floor and he needs medical attention.

**Solon** \- You will pay dearly for your actions and your treasury. Bide your time while you can.

**Sylvain** \- Outstretching your arms while you look away at a 45 degree angle is not a dance, no matter how many times you say that it is. What it _is_ is obnoxious.

* * *

**To be continued...**

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm planning to finish pre timeskip before the year ends :D


	10. White Clouds - Guardian Moon

**Garreg Mach offers its condolences for the loss of the Blade Breaker, Jeralt. Please, feel free to leave flowers on his grave.**

**-Seteth**

* * *

**Alois** \- Very well, if Jeralt asked you to look out for his child should something to happen, then you can fill the void. But inviting her to call you "Dad" is also making her more upset. Space is also important in terms of grief.

**Anna** \- How gracious of you to offer to pay for every debt Jeralt had accrued. ….wait, _how _much did he owe to Remire?

**Annette** \- Fathers are not _cursed_ in Fodlan. How do I know? …Because I just do.

**Ashe** \- I appreciate the effort, but gathering the students to reminisce on their fathers is opening up more wounds than we need at the moment. Sylvain, Bernadetta, Felix, Dorothea, Hubert, Mercedes, and Annette all do not share the same fondness for their paternals as you do.

**Bernadetta** \- Please calm down, your father is not going to come for you. You do not need to curl into a ball.

**Byleth** \- My sympathies. Your loss was a great one, and I wish for you to take all the time you need in this hard time. But I insist you do not need to keep instructing if you do not feel up to it. I've gotten a few reports of you leaving your head against the chalkboard for upwards of 30 minutes.

**Caspar** \- Saying "my father could probably beat all of your bad dads up!" is not helping those who are miserable about their upbringing. Humbly saying "but Jeralt can beat mine up for sure!" is not making _your_ professor feel any better.

**Catherine** \- This meeting to discuss your professional mingling with your social life took longer than it needed; you're trying to look for Jeralt's killer. Just say you wish to engage with someone, you don't need hours to debate if it should be Lady Rhea or Shamir. No, I will not tolerate "maybe I'll try out both and see which one it works better".

**Claude** \- I disagree with this plan to just let the grieving professor into the forest alone armed with every relic. She is extremely competent in battle yes, but that forest would be rubble in mere minutes.

**Cyril **\- There is no "A-word pass", and you do not have it. Do I really have to do this again?

**Dedue** \- Thank you for taking care of Jeralt's grave and its flowers. But please do not do this in the middle of the night, where the dark clothes of your uniform and your towering frame make students scream that the "Death Knight has come back", and wake everyone up.

**Dimitri** \- Do not invite Professor Byleth to chop wood to let out some frustration. Between the two of you and your respective power, all of Fodlan's trees will be reduced to stumps if left unchecked.

**Dorothea** \- I understand spreading a rumor about Felix to get back at his attitude, but claiming he peeks in the women's bath is not fooling _anyone._ He's blatantly ignored the opposite sex, multiple times. "Then he's gay, good idea Seteth!". Please. You do not want Felix as an enemy.

**Edelgard** \- There is only so much you can do to cheer up your professor. Kicking people out of the sauna for her, showering her with gifts and tea, giving her letters….I do not approve of the opposite tactic either, by telling her to "you need to snap out of it". Stop trying to force this.

**Felix** \- You_ will_ get Lysithea down from Macuil's spear that you hung her on. You think it's amusing now to watch her squirm, but she has blasted people before.

**Ferdinand **\- The knights are fine, we do not need for students to form a "monastery watch" led by you. Do not administer helmets and nightsticks for people to use!

**Flayn** \- Stop asking Raphael on tips for your battle cries. Flayn, you are far too polite and kind for brigands and rogues to be intimidated by your tactics. Carrying a whistle "in case of danger" will not help you in battle. _Please_, do not try to be on the front lines so often.

**Gilbert **\- You know it's bad when a grieving Byleth tells you, firmly, to go talk to Annette. She of _all people_ has no patience for this. Yes, I think it was warranted for her to smash your wooden figures.

**Hanneman** \- Thank you for substituting for Professor Byleth in her time of need, but this does not mean you launch into an entire diatribe about crest history. Or give a pop quiz on it. Students generally do not like substitutes for a reason.

**Hilda** \- Stop being a child. Do not convince your classmates to say "here" when a name that isn't theirs is called. Substitutes are fodder for students to trick, but Professor Hanneman can clearly tell when "Raphael Kirsten" suddenly became a shorter, pink-haired girl.

**Hubert** \- Do not give your professor a coupon for "one free assassination of choice, baring Lady Edelgard for obvious reasons".

**Ignatz** \- Painting should be a relaxing hobby. When you offer to paint someone's portrait, you invite others coming in and asking the same thing. You being you meant you were too nice to refuse. You now have 628 commissions. I'm fairly certain not even half that number even lives at this institution. Learn to refuse people!

**Ingrid** \- Trying to undo your eating contest shame does not mean you consistently make yourself vomit to try to lose some weight. Just _exercise more_. All this is doing is making other students repulsed and calling you "Vomit Girl". Should you keep doing this, Professor Manuela _will_ restrain you.

**Lady Rhea** \- I agree, healing the professor's pain should be top priority. But my lady, how many times will you make her lie down on your lap and sing lullabies to her? There are only so many hours in the day and she needs to eat and bathe. Please do not pull her closer, she is an adult and can't feed….from you. I do not think supplementing the motherly void in her life will amend this situation in the ideal way.

**Leonie** \- I understand your grief. But people are getting sick of you making them guess who died just so you can make it seem more unbelievable that it happened. The _marked_ grave gives it away.

**Linhardt **\- A substitute does not mean you get to nap for the whole class. You are in for a terrible time once Byleth fully recovers.

**Lorenz** \- It is _not _obvious "the enemy was envious of Jeralt's rugged masculine energy". You are reaching the wrong conclusions if this inspires you to grow a beard.

**Lysithea** \- We'll let you down. But I had warned you for a reason.

**Manuela** \- Your anesthetic elixirs should be only used to knock someone out if more serious attention is required. You do not splash it in your students' faces if they disrupt you when you're nursing a hangover. Now go fix this Ingrid situation.

**Marianne** \- Now the monastery knows better to upset you. Your religious service dedicated to Jeralt was pretty awe-inspiring, but nothing compared to the way that you _snapped _at those students whispering in the middle of it. The whole cathedral was completely silence for the remaining three hours. Your professor is grateful.

**Mercedes** \- Please do not shout "hug attack!" and embrace the professor at random intervals to cheer her up. Every male student is rushing over to try to get a hug from you, and you do not indulge them. Especially not Lorenz or Sylvain.

**Monica** \- You'd best pray the professor never finds you…..who _are_ you, exactly?

**Petra** \- "Seteth, what is a DILF and why do people say Jeralt was one?" is not a question I need to hear the first thing after I get into my office for the morning.

**Raphael** \- Do not include all the bizarre things that has happened in letters to your sister. It will scare her, or _worse,_ entice her to come here in a few years and expect the same results.

**Shamir **\- I do not need reassurance that you'll win out over Lady Rhea in Catherine's life struggle. I certainly do not need a wink and a flick motion of your tongue. Based on the way she fawns over Byleth I insist you don't have to try hard. "Oh, I definitely don't"-please stop! Have _some_ decorum.

**Sylvain** \- I cannot believe you made a support group for those with bad fathers. I also cannot believe you even made T-shirts for the occasion. Inviting those in the group to head to the roof to scream raw, uncensored obscenities in the air towards them…..has made them much happier. I'm disturbed, but once again, I must fold to brilliance when I see it.

* * *

**To be continued...**

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My question still stands. I have some adventurous ideas but I'll really do them if you guys want some canon bending. I'm fine to work within my confines.
> 
> Also uh divine pulse...well Seteth doesn't know it. Why Byleth only divine pulses once in the Jeralt scene I don't know, but something is weird when Thales only appears in the second go. So here I'm *assuming* Byleth kept trying and trying, exhausting more and more of it, but it kept getting blocked. Or something. I dunno. 3H has a few of these hiccups.


	11. White Clouds - Pegasus Moon

**Alois** \- Your wife must be a saint if she has let you "adopt" Bernadetta and Byleth, no questions asked. But it seems Annette has changed her mind. Still, she appreciates what you did.

**Anna** \- Professor Byleth's hair changed as a result of harmonizing with the Goddess herself. Selling cheap green hair dye and advertising the same effect is tacky and inappropriate. That permit you claim to have had was made with crayon.

**Annette** \- Have you been talking to Caspar? Your idea to make a "short-person" club is completely ridiculous. I am not trying to promote a height civil war.

**Ashe** \- You may not team up with Anna to make a business together_. No one_ is allowed to team up with her.

**Bernadetta** \- Saying that I've moved down on the list of people that terrify you is appreciated, but it concerns me that I am still _on_ it. A price to pay for managing things here, I suppose.

**Byleth** \- Your new appearance has marveled us all. What exactly happened in the forest? I am curious to hear your story. However, please do not let Lady Rhea's adoration of your new form compel you into doing whatever tickles your fancy. Bolding announcing that you will "create the Eisner clan" has turned a _lot_ of heads. It is rather cryptic what you mean, but you will be a magnet for those more religiously inclined. You are a symbol now.

**Caspar **\- Is this supposed to be petty revenge against Linhardt and his mockery? Your short-person club is doomed to fail with you at the reigns. Barring over half of Garreg Mach for their "oppressive tallness" is accelerating its demise.

**Catherine** \- You only have so much time during the day. Declaring yourself as one of Byleth's personal guards (sensing the amount of value she has to Lady Rhea) is a task I hope you are prepared for. I question your new goal to cement their union, whatever _that_ means.

**Claude** \- Sothis being the Goddess's name was merely a secret because it is considered blasphemy to use her name so freely. Do not use it as a punctuation for every sentence "Sothis darn it" "by Sothis's mighty hands!". Saying the name so brazenly near the Archbishop _will_ spell your demise.

**Cyril** \- You are _shorter_ than Caspar. How on earth can _you_ call him "a little twerp"?

**Dedue** \- If you wish to teach Ashe, Mercedes, and Annette cooking, then you are in charge of making sure the dining hall does not erupt in flames. Also do not let them use sharp knives. Professor Manuela is getting annoyed people go to her for even the smallest of cuts.

**Dimitri** \- If you suspect something is off about one of your fellow students (I will not say which here), then let one of us know. You have been consistently tired and groggy that your health is very much into question.

**Dorothea** \- You may not vote on your professor as a new candidate for Archbishop, no matter how much you like her. That is not how this process works. ….well it isn't a simple vote! You must go through proper channels, paperwork, get authorization from the cardinals, and….you're not paying attention!

**Edelgard **\- Is there a particular reason why you keep suggesting to your professor that the two of you go to Enbarr "but before the month ends"? Stop it.

**Felix** \- You still have responsibility with your own house. Saying you'd team up with your professor to "fight even Hell itself" is utterly compulsive. I am perturbed by how much you're betting on this to upset your own father.

**Ferdinand** \- I do not think your professor is looking for actual spawn, at least not now I pray. She has declined your marriage proposal. Yes I know it'd be "scandalous were she to conceive out of wedlock"! You are still her _student! _

**Flayn** \- Flayn, I have important things to do. Organizing a "green-haired tea club" with me, you, Byleth, and Lady Rhea is occupying too much of my time. ….well, I suppose since you and Lady Rhea are enjoying it, I can spare a Sunday or two.

**Gilbert **\- Annette has male friends, this does not mean you require them to sign a contract that they will not touch "even one strand of hair on her head". I can understand the idea, but being a good father is more than just being overprotective. ….as I'm told.

**Hanneman** \- You still have to teach! You cannot devote all of your energy to documenting this new movement behind Byleth and the powers of her crest. Following her every second with a notepad and pen is not even the best use of your time.

**Hilda **\- The counseling box is not to be used to ask for relationship advice. The counselor has had enough of you stuffing it with nearly every thought on Marianne. Other students actually have legitimate issues. …like Marianne. By the way these are supposed to be anonymous. We can tell it's you because you sign your own name, and with hearts at that.

**Hubert** \- I already told Edelgard to stop, do not provide your professor a list of Enbarr's popular tourist spots. Somehow I think this invitation is anything but.

**Ignatz** \- Throw Gilbert's documents in the trash! You do not have to entertain his notions, certainly not 45 pages of it!

**Ingrid** \- I don't know who started the "Hingree" prank, but I will find out. An alarming amount of students keep calling you it.

**Lady Rhea** \- You are excited my lady, and I do not blame you. But you need to maintain _some_ level of composure as Archbishop. Showering Byleth with gifts and house gold is one thing, announcing plans to give actual _land_ to Byleth, sniffing her hair, and inviting her to exclusively sleep on your lap are others. This overattention will give your enemies more ammunition to be rid of you…sigh, fine I will address you as "Archbishop Rhea Eisner".

**Leonie** \- Do not increase the amount of delusion surrounding Byleth. Declaring yourself as her dedicated warrior and….is that her crest embroidered in your unmentionables? _Bernadetta!_

**Linhardt** \- Do not be so dismissive of Caspar's movement, especially not with endless short jokes about it. Halt no fury than those mocked for their height.

**Lorenz** \- I do not care that the union of a Goddess vessel and your own noble genes would, as you claim, "produce a child that would dawn in a new age". Stop getting so excited. Professor Byleth does not want to marry you, either. No, you may not take the task of finding the best suitable mate for her genes.

**Lysithea** \- Enough with the loud rallies and signs. Your club will not bring the downfall of "centuries of tall oppression". Need I remind you you are the youngest student at this school. Puberty is still in your future, how limited you say it is.

**Manuela** \- I do not know if Professor Byleth can truly talk to the Goddess. If she could, asking why hasn't she set you up with a man yet is a rather trivial waste of such a lifetime chance.

**Marianne** \- This is what I was afraid of. It is true that transferring to Byleth's class has greatly improved your life as a whole, and you have gained confidence and self-worth. But beware of blind devotion. You do not need to get on your knees and kiss her feet.

**Mercedes** \- Do not plead with your professor to find your brother. He has still killed people and is still a criminal that must be apprehended. I'm not surprised she chose to help you.

**Petra** \- How they do things in Briggid is not what we do in Fodlan. Someone (like your professor) forming a clan of their own volition does not entitle them to the men, women and land of the foes they defeat. Were the professor engage me and best me, she would not gain authority over Flayn! Please do not make this more complicated!

**Raphael** \- Do not actually run to Fodlan's Throat just to make a gift for your sister.

**Shamir** \- How they do things in Dagda is not what we do in Fodlan. Professor Byleth may not capture her enemies and give them the choice of being an all-purpose slave or death.

**Sylvain** \- I will not take your bet that "something crazy's gonna happen soon". It is not that I am afraid of losing. I am not one to tempt faith even more...

* * *

**To be continued...**

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last pre-skip chapter will come out before the month is over; I have other projects to work on. In 2020 we shall begin the post-skip.


	12. White Clouds - Lone Moon

**Attention, Garreg Mach! The Adrestrian Empire has declared war on the Church of Seiros, led by Edelgard von Hresvelg! We must prepare for the battle ahead! Arm yourself well!**

**-Seteth**

* * *

**Alois - **Edelgard's action should not be so genuinely surprising to you. She wasn't exactly a religious person, but even aside that, she had motives she kept hidden for so long. What? The Flame Emperor _is_ her, we had this whole discovery last time.

**Anna** \- The Church will not pay you _that_ much for exclusive merchant access. Supplies are important in terms of war. We will re-negotiate your terms if we truly want your wares. Threatening to go to the Empire will simply make you an enemy of Garreg Mach. Choose carefully.

**Annette** \- Edelgard is doing more than "making us short people look bad!".

**Ashe** \- I told you not to partner with Anna! I hope you are prepared for the consequences. It is admirable you have your siblings' financial interests in mind, but…no I am not giving you capital!

**Bernadetta** \- _Please_, come out of your room. I know you're intimidated by both Edelgard and Hubert now being your enemy, but your professor has assured me she won't let your father - your actual one - come for you.

**Byleth** \- I have something to ask of you regarding Edelgard. You're the one person she would drop her guard around…very well, Professor. You've done this institution a fine service. I cannot expect you to cut down one of your former students, but be prepared for anything.

**Caspar** \- I think we need a better plan than just "running up to Edelgard and punching some sense into her!". Go ahead, try that when she would be surrounded by Hubert and other dark mages.

**Catherine** \- Do not overestimate your power, we need this to be a team effort. Yes I _know_ your sword can shoot lightning. It is not the only relic in the world.

**Claude** \- I'm surprised for once, you're not gloating on how you knew this would happen. I respectfully disagree that Edelgard "had some interesting ideas". Do not say "at least she's doing the heavy lifting for me" with that face because I'm thinking you're actually serious. Do I need to have Shamir arrest you again?

**Cyril** \- Boarding up Lady Rhea's room is a waste of time. Not only is Edelgard not interested in her living quarters, Lady Rhea is planning to take to the fight herself. Get your bow and prepare yourself to defend her yourself.

**Dedue** \- Your stern glance and vivid descriptions of what you will assist Dimitri in doing to Edelgard are terrifying. Kindly refrain from telling everyone you meet. It is not good small talk.

**Dimitri** \- The reveal that Edelgard was the Flame Emperor has seriously affected your mental health, I'm afraid. You're manic and determined to kill her no matter the cost, and you're laughing insanely. You may fight but Professor Byleth - the ONLY one that can do this - is instructed to pin you down lest you get _too_ out of control.

**Dorothea** \- Yes I am aware crests had a part in all this. But try not to show so much pity to Edelgard. Think of your fellow classmates and side with them, above all. Please do not say "the crests _were_ to blame!".

**Edelgard** \- Your choice has great consequences, child. Lady Rhea is gentle to her allies but merciless to her foes. Making an enemy of her - and the church - is a path you _will_ regret walking.

**Felix** \- Dimitri is certainly validating your boar insults. But I would heavily advise not trying to attach a makeshift tail and nose to complete the image. He has broken necks with his _hand._

**Ferdinand** \- It is admirable you have declared yourself the one to "set Edelgard back on the right path". No, the answer is not to construct an antithesis image (called the Water Noble) and spread fliers promoting this new figure of justice and heroism.

**Flayn** \- Please just stick to defending our home with magic, Flayn. Many students are giving complaints that you're practicing waiting in bushes than leaping out to strike with a knife.

**Gilbert** \- Even I have reservations about this cross you constructed. I think _crucifying_ Edelgard is a bit too much. Yes I know she's an enemy of the church but….this is not a good look for our more skeptical students….

**Hanneman** \- I understand Edelgard's now infamous line has caused you great misery. Do I need to call in Manuela to help you out? You've been lying on the floor of your office surrounded by your research notes for hours. Look, it doesn't mean you need to question your career.

**Hilda** \- I'm surprised you're _not_ surprised Edelgard has done this, but the justification is a lot more complicated than "she never painted her nails".

**Hubert** \- You will fall with your lady. Cease your attempts to sway residents of the monastery (namely Byleth) by sending anti-church propaganda fliers. The cardinals do _not_ drink Lady Rhea's bath water!

**Ignatz** \- I can understand you need to paint to unload some of this stress but painting the Death Knight and Flame Emperor horrifyingly murdering all of us is- okay, now you're sobbing uncontrollably in the fetal position. I'll get someone to comfort you.

**Ingrid** \- Your appeal to overturn the dining hall restraining order has been rejected. I am sorry. The staff have pictures of you and Raphael that they like to throw darts at.

**Lady Rhea** \- Our students get more unnerved by the day. Many stress out over the upcoming battle against Edelgard and the Empire, but some have admitted they're unsettled by _you_ in recent times. You deliver powerful sermons condemning Edelgard to the fiery pits of Hell, yet you take all the time you can doting on Byleth and hugging her. I guess what I am saying is….I know this is stressful. You are the Archbishop. It is your guidance that must prevail and reassure Garreg Mach.

**Leonie** \- Whether or not Edelgard was responsible for Jeralt's death is a complicated question. We know now that she was working with Kronya and Tomas, but there is no indication that she gave the order in the first place. "I'm still stabbing her". Well then, I see your mind is already made up.

**Linhardt** \- It's refreshing to see you didn't join Edelgard out of a desire to continue researching crests. Oh you felt like napping as well? Never mind then.

**Lorenz **\- Oh don't look so disappointed you didn't have the chance to woo Edelgard with your "rough, distinguished charm". It hasn't worked on any of the female students and she would be the hardest one to woo. Now shave that terrible mustache off, it looks ridiculous.

**Lysithea** \- I would heavily recommend you cancel your debate with Lady Rhea on Edelgard's rhetoric. While I am glad you wish to approach this issue rationally to understand our opponent better, you do realize she might view you as helping Edelgard?

**Manuela** \- I think the approaching war has made you a little more desperate than usual. I think you're quite fair but I am not interested in any romantic avenues at this junction. No, winking at me won't work. No, sending me a pair of your _underwear _won't work either. Stop it and get back to teaching.

**Marianne** \- Your resolve to defend the church is remarkable, but it's just nice seeing you actively smile a bit more. Oh, you….don't need to tell me you're interested in being something more with Hilda. No, you don't need to tell me the couple nickname you've thought of.

**Mercedes** \- I think the only one that calls him "Emile" is you, so many are confused whenever you bring him up. They just know him as "Death Knight", "Jertiza", or "Scary Spooky Man with the Deep Voice".

**Petra** \- I think you're misunderstanding Edelgard's statement. _Crests_. C-r-e-s-t-s. Not chests. You can stop this effort to go around and measure everyone's size and documenting it.

**Raphael** \- You actually did it. Impressive. Now get some rest and finish all the schoolwork you missed.

**Shamir** \- I am appreciative that you're sticking around to help us in this battle. I know you are a mercenary but…..you want a raise? Clever joke. ….you're not joking? The smile makes it hard to tell.

**Sylvain** \- All of this could _not_ have been avoided if "Edelgard got laid". I hope you're not volunteering yourself for the task. "Maybe"? Oh for heaven's sake Sylvain.

* * *

**To be continued...**

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have a happy holiday, everyone. I had 3 chapters stuck on FF.net that i wanted to give to you now. Enjoy!


	13. Silver Snow - Guardian Moon

**In these times of war, we are fortunate enough to have Professor Byleth back with us. We'll need her support to fend off the Empire and find Lady Rhea, so everyone must give it their all!**

**-Seteth**

* * *

**Alois** \- I am glad your family understands and supports your decision to keep fighting. Although my relief is…..tempered at the fact that you have a new book of jokes to tell….sigh, I don't know. Why _did_ the chicken cross the road?

**Anna** \- Pallardo shall not terrorize the grounds anymore, but this does not mean you assume control over his wares. This stuff goes back to the monastery! "Finders Keepers" is not universal law and you know it!

**Annette** \- I am sorry your father is currently out there in the throes of battle, maybe we can…..oh, you're more upset at Bernadetta and Lysithea outgrowing you. Of course you are.

**Bernadetta** \- You're coming out of your room more? Very nice. You're Bernie Bear, I understa-…..nice _try._ It is actually a myth that bears hibernate completely for the entire winter. Get back here, you do not need that much sleep.

**Byleth** \- Are you sure you've been asleep for five years? I am your ally, Professor. You may be honest with me. Hold nothing back. ….so a holy figure named Sothis has existed in your head for all this time and she has allowed you to rewind time (with restrictions) albeit her memory was lacking. Now she has fused with you. So all this time, Lady Rhea…..forgive me. It is something that _she_ must tell you, lest she never speak to me again. But what I _will_ tell you, about myself….let us speak privately. ….wait, _who _followed you here?

**Caspar** \- Please stop showing off your muscles. Yes I _have _seen bigger ones, Raphael is right over there.

**Catherine** \- Your service is appreciated, and I will honor whatever request you have. …..that is something Shamir needs to sign off on too. No, I'm fairly certain Lady Rhea won't "get jealous". Did you miss the whole period of her fawning over Byleth, or…?

**Cyril **\- I understand you wish to demonstrate the skills Shamir has passed off to you. Stop wasting apples by trying to shoot them while placed on someone's head, my own included!

**Dorothea** \- It is not my fault everyone keeps wondering what you did with the hat. It was distinct. Can you procure another one? Oh come now, surely not only one of this hat exists in Fodlan!

**Felix **\- One would think you can utter a more cooperative sentiment than "Professor, let's kill the boar together". There is still hope for Prince Dimitri. Byleth will not give up on him so easily. ….fine, you can have the head if it comes to that. Good heavens, man.

**Ferdinand** \- The Water Noble was you. No, I was not tipped off by the amount of clues he scattered across the years, it never caught on because no one was fooled at all. I think we're all just tired of these kinds of disguises.

**Flayn** \- We _will_ recover Lady Rhea. Now Flayn, while I'm going to talk to the Professor, you can….what do you_ mean_ you told her your secret?!

**Hanneman** \- Be grateful nothing of yours was lost forever. It is not reason to be so disappointed and lament the "younger generation's lower attention span". Thieves want gold and treasure, not research notes. It's gold to _you_ and you alone, Hanneman.

**Hilda **\- This monastery is not in charge of brushing your hair 1000 times before the next battle. Whining and stomping your foot will not change my mind and you know it. Split ends are the last thing you need to worry about!

**Ingrid **\- You are asking the wrong person if you need a way to dispel those rumors you've gotten for putting off your father's marriage request all these years. I say ignore them. Or you can ask Manuela for some disastrous plan, sure.

**Kronya** \- So to understand it correctly, Byleth prevented your demise before Solon could finish you off. But because _her_ wrath was terrifying, you got on your knees and begged for mercy. And in the end, you're now this gleeful pet for her whims that returned after all this time. She only spared you to make sure your superiors pay dearly for their role in Jeralt's death. Tch. A prisoner of war is a prisoner of war, but remember….you have enemies in these halls.

**Leonie** \- Fine, you are in charge of watching over Kronya when Byleth or myself cannot. When we are not in battle, she is to stay chained up in that cellar. You….stop! How can we get information from her when you're whipping her _that_ viciously?!

**Linhardt** \- I do not know what you mean that "Flayn's secret was obvious", but I do suggest you shut your mouth before Byleth makes you pull weeds every day for the rest of your life.

**Lysithea **\- Stop flaunting the height increase you received. Yes I know you are now 20 years of age, but many will still see you as that little girl scared of ghosts. So it is very inappropriate to eagerly tell every male that you're wearing a bra now.

**Manuela** \- Good to see that you are well. Five years hasn't done a thing to your looks, it seems. Sigh, do not look so sad. If you insist we can have a cup of tea one of these days, as friends. Stop winking. No, as _friends_. Blowing the kiss is not necessary, I assure you.

**Marianne** \- You really do not need my permission if you want to ma…..oh, I'm sorry that your adoptive father hasn't been so receptive to your feelings. I cannot control your future, but for now, your home can be here.

**Mercedes** \- I am pleased to see time has not dulled your devotion to the church. Although you really need to learn how to say no when people ask, even if it's nicely. Do you know how long brushing Hilda's hair takes?

**Petra **\- Now _you_ need to marry someone to secure your future as Briggid's Queen? This is getting ridiculous. I am a little taken aback by the ease of the way you said "a harem is encouraged".

**Raphael **\- Yes yes, I know, the staff will get rid of the restraining order if…huh. You're right. Ignatz never joined the Professor's class. So he must be with Claude. Dear Goddess, he's going to _die_ out there.

**Shamir **\- Good to see that your focus is still on getting the job done. "I'd marry Catherine if she can just shut _up _about it". Well at least we both know it won't happen.

**Sylvain** \- You? You spread those rumors about Ingrid? Boredom and a desire for fun is quite the lethal combination on you. I suggest you help her stop them. I think it's pretty obvious why she wouldn't choose Felix or you.

* * *

**To be continued...**

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Coming back with a bang. I know Kronya's done bad things (trust me, Leonie is there to torment her), but for her role and unique design, the game used her very poorly. I wanna see if I can extend this to other characters shortchanged. We'll certainly see Jertiza again, that's for sure. Hope this isn't too controversial!
> 
> Oh and like the game itself Ashe and Lorenz will just be re-recruited.


	14. Silver Snow - Pegasus Moon

**Alois** \- Request to have a "stand-up night" denied. Yes I understand we could use some humor in times of turmoil, but some of our allies have shorter tempers these days. Do you wish to be heckled?

**Anna **\- You may not claim insurance for the missing Ashe.

**Annette** \- Please stop calling Caspar and Lysithea traitors, it is not their fault they grew more than you did. I don't _know_ how Lysithea gained more on you when she hardly eats vegetables and doesn't drink mil-get back here with that milk bucket!

**Bernadetta** \- Playing dead is not a strategy we will rely on for battles, even if you go to the trouble to throwing tomato sauce over yourself and lying on the ground for 4 hours straight. Clean yourself up and get back to training.

**Byleth** \- Your help in defending the monastery was appreciated, but I am getting slightly concerned that you take the prisoner of war option too easily. Oh, it is not the army I worry for, it is the prisoner for being at the mercy of those you have taught.

**Caspar **\- The casualness that you say our new prisoner is your uncle is unbelievable. Do you not study your family history or what?

**Catherine** \- We will not train dogs to track down Lady Rhea using a lock of her hair. Yes I know it has some practicality, but could you not go to the trouble of naming the dogs "Firestorm", "Slasher", "Morpheus", and "Seiros II"?

**Cyril** \- For now you're not learning things from Shamir anymore. When discussing what to do with our prisoners you provided a frightening amount of barbed wire.

**Dorothea** \- The war effort needs all the funds we can get, but ask yourself how you sold so many tickets for your upcoming one woman show so quickly. A small sapling was blocking the word "formal" in your sign that read "No formal clothing required". I suggest you do something to avoid disaster.

**Felix** \- I can't believe one of the most practical ideas came from your head, of all places. Organizing a special combat task force to directly function under Byleth, comprised of her best students, you being one of them. But I am no fool. She has grounds to punish you if you let this get to your head. _Including _handcuffing you to Sylvain all day.

**Ferdinand** \- Stop giving me your application every chance you get. I do need to sign off on it but ultimately Byleth will decide who's the best of the best for her new squad. Stop winking, I am not hinting at any bribes.

**Flayn **\- Your idea to raise funds is brilliant. Forcing people to put in some coins in a jar if you overhear them using foul language. But unfortunately it has a backfire in the form of people eagerly running up to you, depositing fistfuls of coins, and spilling a tirade of filth. I suggest you give the jar to me.

**Hanneman** \- Hmph, what's to say those with the Crest of Cichol got it from mere procreation? What if perhaps, the Saint gave some of his power to others long ago. Yes, I _definitely_ think Cethleann did not procreate with anyone to pass her crest along. Just….a theory of mine.

**Hilda** \- Do not look so shocked, you were clearly a ringer for this new squad. You hate to put in effort, but I've seen you lift up a Demonic Bird and throw it like it was a sack of potatoes. You undersell your true potential.

**Ingrid** \- Dressing provocatively, speaking in low tones, and blowing kisses at men has quelled the rumors, but now people think you're "crest-shopping". This is why we do not take plans from Manuela.

**Kronya** \- So, it is your kind's home we must find, and destroy. I suggest if you truly forgot where exactly it is, you say that like your life depends on it. Leonie has taken an alarmingly quick interest in your torment. She procured a cart of weapons. Oh _trust_ me, pretending that you're not terrified will summon the Pinelli demon.

**Leonie** \- Take a break from this. You had your revenge but it's not a fitting look for you. Do not sink to her level. Surely you have a more mature response than "but she started it!".

**Linhardt** \- Of all suggestions, "let's bully Edelgard about her height until she gives up out of pure shame" is so stupid that I don't even want to dignify it with a response. You're worse than Felix sometimes.

**Lysithea** \- While it is true your future might be on borrowed time, it is not an excuse to get out of conversations with people you don't like. Especially when you pretend your condition is like a virus and you fake a sneeze.

**Manuela** \- Why don't you slow it down. We had one cup of tea and right now you're trying to cram your things into where I sleep! I'm not going anywhere so stop being so irrational. Also fix Ingrid's new problem.

**Marianne** \- Selling rides on Dorte is a good way to raise money. Giving the customer a book's worth of dos and don'ts, timing them to the very second, asking them to feed and brush him, and making the ride less than 5 meters is a bad way to raise money.

**Mercedes** \- Your idea to raise money has been the most popular. Unfortunately you have a line stretching _far _out of Garreg Mach. And maybe you should've told people there's a limit on 1 hug per person. And you should've set how long the hugs are. And not agree to hug someone even if _they don't have any money!_

**Petra **\- Let's not sell skinned animals as pelts to wear for colder battles. Some of us do not have a strong stomach for this. Also Marianne has passed out.

**Raphael** \- What on earth….? Detailed maps? Complex calculations? No snacks around? The ONE time you summon an endless array of intelligence and focus is plan your way to get Ignatz to our side, with his life intact. I am extremely impressed and hope you are successful.

**Randolph** \- Let us cooperate. If you're willing to fight on our side against the empire, we will make sure your sister finds her way back to you. Er, the handcuffs are necessary until we are sure of your loyalty. You almost burned down Garreg Mach.

**Shamir** \- Where did you get all this gold? Thanks from your handcuff dealer for all the advertisement? You continue to surprise me, but in a good way.

**Sylvain** \- Your little joke isn't so funny now, is it? Do you have a solution? "….she should just marry someone she loves, period". Why can't you be mature and logical ALL the time?

* * *

**To be continued**

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo a couple of things. I totally forgot that Edelgard's relic does not come from her line...none of the empire students have a relic in the same way Felix or Sylvain would. Someone reminded me of that, so I had to make some small edits in the chapters where I mentioned Aymr.
> 
> The DLC for the Ashen Wolves is coming and I'm sure we're all curious to learn about that. Due to the timing I can't guarantee if they'll make an appearance but I guess we'll find out. Also Byleth's in Smash so I could make that an easter egg somewhere :D


	15. Silver Snow - Lone Moon

**Alois** \- We are trying to keep some level of cooperation with our prisoners. You think it helps lighten the tension but both of them have begged me to tell you to stop reading them entries from your joke book.

**Anna** \- What? You've put out a word for your own crest relic to be delivered? Understand my skepticism. Your crest was lost to history and you have a tendency to embellish greatly. Telling me it can blow stuff up only deepens my reluctance to believe you.

**Annette** \- So your uncle won't hand over your relic unless Gilbert can vouch for you, and he's off fighting for the Kingdom…..we'll need to craft a plan to get him to join us again. Or we can ignore my suggestion and ask Byleth to kidnap him. But do you really want to do tha-you said yes rather fast.

**Ashe** \- Pleased to see you return to our forces after our battle at the Valley of Torment. I know there's a lot of rats in your cell but we cannot take risks with trusting. We will let you out once we review the file. Now, state your name. "You know my name!" is not the answer. This is a formality, so try to take it seriously. Do I _look_ like I'm joking?

**Bernadetta** \- It is for diplomatic reasons that we sent you to accompany Petra to her home. Okay, the real reason was for her to teach you to climb trees effortlessly. Cheer up, you have Byleth, Ferdinand, and Caspar to protect you.

**Byleth** \- The only one who should be crafting reports is _you_, not the others. Caspar's handwriting is atrocious, and Ferdinand drowns the text in endless prose. Handing me a souvenir from Briggid - a crab shell - is not going to elevate my mood.

**Caspar** \- What on earth is this? _Reparations?_ Well, while I appreciate you wanting to make amends for your house's actions, do you think this place has enough money to pay another country THIS sum? No, liquidate what you have and we'll secure the rest from Empire spoils.

**Catherine** \- Do not feed your hounds the remains of Demonic Beasts just to save money on dog food. We do not want them to acquire a _taste_ for them.

**Cyril **\- Your hounds were for torture, her hounds were for tracking…..as Catherine claims. We will not employ extra canines! No, organizing a dogfight is out of the question! I am trying to _reduce_ the amount of wanton animal cruelty you all keep displaying.

**Dorothea** \- Your solution was to tie a blindfold over your eyes and do the show without seeing the audience. That worked great until you tripped and fell out the window. We will treat you as fast as we can, but it is fortunate no one wants a refund out of pity for you hurting yourself.

**Felix** \- We won't ask you to be a jailor anymore. At some point it was less trying to see if Ashe got stronger and more deciding to mess with him. How did you make him eat cheese off the cell _floor_?

**Ferdinand **\- So Hubert showed up on the island. I appreciate the effort, but Byleth is the only one that can talk sense into people. Go to the infirmary to treat those intensive dark magic wounds. No you _can't _walk off a Hades spell.

**Flayn** \- How did the side mission in the desert go? Ah, the beast did not wish to join with us….well, you and your party worked hard. Also please stop referring to it as "Uncle", for reasons I hope I don't need to explain here. Flayn, don't wink at me, we both know you're not very good at it.

**Hanneman** \- It….it is a mere expression, Hanneman. Why would some desert beast be Flayn's _literal _uncle? Get some rest, the heat must've gotten to you.

**Hilda** \- Can you stop working? Don't you realize your success has made your brother more proud than he could imagine? Haven't you heard of story of the Lazy Fox and the Industrious Squirrel? ….it's a book. Are you saying you don't read a single book when it's not part of a lesson?

**Ingrid** \- Ashe has just finished floor cheese. He might share your knight ideals but abruptly announcing you will marry him is ridiculous. He is crestless but there are other ways to shake off the rumors that you only want those with a crest, definitely not with…..spit it _out_, Ashe!

**Kronya** \- Do not show Ashe how to eat the rats in the cells. For heaven's sake, it's high time you start fighting. Byleth will come get you with a leash in hand when the month is over.

**Leonie** \- I asked you to tally our funds because you needed some kind of mind activity. But these calculations are absurd. You did it 5 times, and I see 5 different answers on my desk. No I do not give out partial credit for math! Not when it's _wrong_ math!

**Linhardt** \- Ohohohohoho, you're not napping when everyone else is doing field work. Perhaps you and Leonie can check out another sighting with a beast….

**Lysithea **\- You shall not suggest dishes for the mess hall anymore. No one wants to eat sugar cookies drenched in gumdrops, syrup, sprinkles, vanilla ice cream, and licorice. Adding a drink of coffee does not suddenly turn this childish meal into adult cuisine. This will just cause stomachaches and cavities.

**Manuela** \- What a brilliant idea, crafting a new song for Garreg Mach. Would you do the honors of singing it for us? ….in a special ceremony. Not a bombastic show with fireworks, exotic dancers, and explosions. I cannot emphasize the no explosion part enough.

**Marianne** \- Some of us are concerned with odd behavior you'd been displaying recently. Usually we wouldn't mind if you were spending time at the stables but you're eating hay and scratching yourself with your leg.

**Mercedes** \- We'll take your contribution, thank you. I suggest you bathe and get some needed sleep because you've been hugging people for a _week_.

**Petra** \- You've been back in Fodlan for a few days now. Here we do not go topless. Your apology is accepted, now stop people from following your example. These are still religious halls!

**Raphael** \- You….you left a note stating you'll come back with Ignatz. Where are you going to go?!

**Randolph** \- I would be more impressed with your struggle to escape your cell if you didn't give up after 1 minute of shaking the bars like a fool. You have no leverage on us.

**Shamir** \- What on earth was so troubling that you and Petra shouted at each other in your respective languages? "what tastes better, bear or fox"? Am I supposed to take a side on this?

**Sylvain** \- You and Felix opened Ashe's cell just to challenge him for Ingrid's hand. That was insane enough, but you only gave him a stick to defend himself while the two of you had swords. How much of this is wanting Ingrid to have a better future and how much is just messing with Ashe? Grow _up_, all of you.

* * *

**To be continued...**

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry ashe fans :(
> 
> lorenz and ignatz will rejoin us next chappie


	16. Silver Snow - Great Tree Moon

**Alois **\- Perhaps you should switch back to an axe. Using gauntlets does not mean you should shout all the names of the punches you make - "Jeralt Punch", "Byleth Smash", "Seiros Onerounder", especially when I hardly see a difference. Or rather, I'd prefer if Caspar not get ideas.

**Anna** \- Getting access to that special seal was surprising, but I recommend you start playing the Trickster part and fight more. I'd rather not have to sniff around your supply network. No, you are not "too cute" to take any damage. I've had Dorothea, Manuela, and Hilda all try that excuse.

**Annette** \- Face it, the only individual that hasn't grown either is Edelgard herself. So stop calling Fleche short-related insults when you aren't exactly Raphael size either. Face it. The Short Club is finished. _Fine._ Height-Challenged Club.

**Ashe** \- We will not keep rats as pets! Don't you think it's a little tasteless to name them Lonato II and Christophe II even if you feed them cheese and teach them tricks?

**Bernadetta **\- You offered to read your latest novel to entertain the army, do not back out now just because you've seen the crowd. Some of these people can hardly read to begin with.

**Byleth** \- I have something to ask of you. Now that you know of my origin and Flayn's….and that you've disclosed your own secret….could you tell me…..what _she_ was like? ….Snarky? Shorter than Flayn? Barefoot? I must admit, I was not expecting these descriptors. Oh….you didn't have to hug me, but….thank you.

**Caspar** \- Good lord man, shorten these attack names or change them to make more sense. "Super Mega Volley Hell Supreme Full Power Death Punch" should not be over in three seconds when you make the name that long.

**Catherine - **You will join the rest of us in disposing of these warped dogs. I told you not to let them eat beast flesh and they became feral. No, we will not launch the corpses from our catapults at Empire forces. That's just demented.

**Cyril **\- I understand you think offering herbs in the vein of Lady Rhea will relax all of us but there is a clear difference between herbs and psychogenic mushrooms. I'd suggest you make sure no one is freaking out.

**Dorothea** \- It's nice to see that time confined to the medical bed has made you think more positively about Ferdinand, as he made sure to bring you flowers with every visit. It is not_ as_ nice to make him get you things and ring a small bell to command h-_stop ringing it!_

**Felix** \- Ashe beat you both fair and square. Stop sulking. It was obvious neither of you wanted to marry Ingrid. Go busy yourself with some project…no, we will not use a giant net to capture Dimitri!

**Ferdinand **\- We need you for combat. Do not go miles out of your way to please Dorothea, you are surprisingly easy to manipulate.

**Flayn** \- Byleth is your professor and friend. Addressing her as "Grandmother Sister" is overdoing it. We are trying NOT to explain this to people.

**Fleche** \- Be grateful Byleth does not see you as a threat, no matter how many times you challenge her to avenge your brother's honor. Your power is so small she does not even arm herself when you rush at her with a knife. Now I suggest you do some chores.

**Hanneman** \- You say you're going to help Lysithea with her condition? Good, but I object to calling it "Crestitis". It sounds like a brand of toothpaste, for some reason.

**Hilda** \- Marianne is in danger, and you have been chosen to lead the group to help her. Get packing. No, you do not need 45 bottles of lotion, 10 hairbrushes, and all these make-up mirrors. "It's for Marianne" Will you go already?

**Ignatz** \- Glad to have you back on our side. I'm terribly sorry Raphael blitzed the enemy line, stuffed you into a sack, and dragged you back to the monastery. You can recover from the dizziness and vomiting in the comfort of your old room, not a cell.

**Ingrid **\- Congratulations on your….nuptials? I suppose Ashe at least shares your virtues and ideals…no, Byleth will not write a note excusing you from your father. It does not work like that. No, she cannot give you away in his stead. No, we will not repeat the "Alois adopts everyone" fiasco.

**Kronya** \- I think you're taking the pet role too seriously. Just because Byleth doesn't say anything, you don't lick her feet at the end of battle, even if she doesn't stop you. You also do not bark at people that get too close to her.

**Judith **\- Rather surprising to have to circumvent the Alliance to join our side. But if you insist you'll take care of Claude in the next battle, I believe you. Why are you doing this? I hope you have a better answer than _boredom_. Boredom is what causes this army to be at their worst.

**Ladislavia** \- The vigor in which you declare you will not betray Edelgard vanishes VERY quickly when you cry and scream at all the rats in your cell. Either work with us, prisoner, or you'll have a lot more furry visitors. Kronya has learned how to breed them. They devour our garbage.

**Leonie** \- You-you're not supposed to pay your village debt NOW when we were finally in the green! Don't you dare! You can't calculate our own funds correctly but you can cite the amount you still owe in interest down to the last decimal?

**Linhardt** \- No, if you think that beast was related to me, that's ridiculous. Even more ridiculous is wondering if Flayn and I had some kind of form like Lady Rhea. You and your dumb theories….

**Lorenz** \- We're pleased to finally have you back. Yes I am surprised by your longer locks, but you're simply deluding yourself if you think the _entire_ monastery has fallen for you. I seriously cannot believe you're teasing the IDEA of seducing Claude to take his spot as Alliance Leader.

**Lysithea** \- Enough. You will not skip dining hall and bathroom lines because of "my disability". You can fight just fine and Hanneman - the man who knows the most about Crests - has declared he will reverse your condition. Why don't you help our soldiers that are ACTUALLY blind/deaf/etc.? "I'm just a kid…" you cannot commit to a role, can you?

**Manuela** \- Cease this new nickname of "Sety". We're not there yet and even if we were, it just does not suit me. For some reason, it sounds like I should be conjuring up wind.

**Marianne** \- It seems your beast conditions were linked to your crest, but at least we disposed of all the monsters that were threatening you. We still value you no matter what it will do. You are our ally. Now, would you mind stopping your humping of Hilda's leg? Her not minding does not matter, please try to compose yourself.

**Mercedes** \- No, I do not see a floating ice cube and monkeys with pig noses. Go to the medical ward immediately.

**Petra** \- Please do not be inspired by Felix's large net, even if you say it can "capture 50 Dimitris".

**Randolph** \- Now I understand why you're the uncle and Caspar is the nephew. You have my sympathies.

**Raphael **\- I commend you for saving Ignatz. However, the dining hall union is still active, and some still have nightmares from your past indulgence. They will not lift the ban despite your heroism. No, this is not a dare to outdo yourself and capture someone else!

**Shamir** \- I am disturbed you even "know a guy" that can give us feral rats to torment Ladislavia with. She will comply just fine. This army will not mess around with animals anymore!

**Sylvain** \- Clever, you'd knew Ashe would step up to defend his honor and Ingrid's admiration. Why don't you be honest and say who you'd like to be with, yourself? …_Felix_?

* * *

**To be continued...**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time I give some love to the other side of the shipping ground. Anyways, next chapter will REALLY surprise y'all.


	17. Silver Snow - Harpstring Moon

**Attention, everyone! We must begin our preparations to take Fort Merceus while we still have the chance to stop the empire's momentum! Heed your objectives well. We're juggling multiple fronts!**

**-Seteth**

* * *

**Alois** \- I appreciate our brief fishing trip to help us relax for a spiel. But it is time you accept that the fish are scared of you, especially when you laugh like that. Do not worry. I will make sure you can turn things around.

**Anna** \- What on earth does "I put in a favor for four friends of mine" even mean? Stop being obtuse and gather those intelligence reports.

**Annette** \- Where do I begin? We were supposed to avoid the chaos at Gronder Field. You and those other students working under Byleth's command were not supposed to barge in and cause even more chaos. "I need my relic" does not properly excuse you coming back to the monastery with Gilbert in chains. How did you even stop him?

**Ashe** \- Understand we do not want your cooking if you've trained enough rats to gather supplies for you in the kitchen. Even if one can control you by pulling your hair, it is not cute! The dining hall has threatened to ban you too.

**Bernadetta** \- Your novel was a hit! But don't look so put off every time someone asks for your autograph. For once, you have no reason to fear people. They want your company. Perhaps you can have the courage to finally liberate yourself from your fat….no, I didn't say kidnap! Get back here!

**Byleth** \- I want to be disappointed with you taking this unauthorized detour and risking the lives of many, but I'm more amazed that brazenness and disregard for safety _keeps_ working. We've neutralized the Alliance. But the Kingdom still has that witch behind the scenes….and Edelgard is still at large. Things will become more chaotic than ever. We should…..oh…..yes, I suppose I can spare time for tea.

**Caspar** \- It is not my fault people refer to you as "Discount Raphael" and "Not Alois". Diversify your combat profile and try tactics behind just punching things. I mean, you did pass the axe exam.

**Catherine** \- We have a shot of negotiating something with the Kingdom and you blow it by rebuking your own house. I do not think we need to hear "it's not a phase, I just prefer women okay?" during important war meetings.

**Claude** \- Be glad it was_ Teach _that managed to capture you and not the rage-induced Dimitri. Our enemy lies beyond your efforts, so why waste energy hunting you down? I know you're trying to slip out of your cell but it won't work. Admit when you've been beaten.

**Cyril** \- You are Almayran yourself and you are aware of Claude's own intelligence. So these attempts to mock Nader by asking him if he knows what a book is, is rather self-defeating.

**Dedue** \- You are alive because Byleth felt you did not deserve to die. Hilda managed to capture you. If she keeps your lord alive, then you will work for us to end this war faster, understand?

**Dimitri **\- Your rage towards Edelgard has consumed you and I feel sorry for you. You are highly dangerous and will be under constant watch and chains. Do not think for one _second_ we will permit you to die like this. Inside is the tortured young man we will heal. Felix…Sylvain….Ingrid….I know they still care for you. Yes, even Felix.

**Dorothea** \- No we're still not going to elect a new Archbishop! I know Byleth has done much for this war but we must see if Lady Rhea is still out there. And while I know even she would prefer a new change of guard….._I _must see her again.

**Felix** \- Please, do not provoke Dimitri's wrath. Just because you and Sylvain subdued him out there does not mean you can claim the moral high ground right now. Both of you are still bleeding heavily. Get some treatment. …..fine, your big net worked, okay?

**Ferdinand** \- You and Lysithea must investigate these rumors behind your father's fate_. After_ you rest from the Gronder operation. And if you give her a piggyback ride while rushing to the location, she _will_ blast you.

**Flayn** \- I really do not want the dining hall staff to ban _you_. Please try to eat more politely and not as ravenously when they serve fried delectables.

**Fleche** \- Stop looking for anyone to defeat. When even Flayn can beat you at arm wrestling, that is proof you need to give up and stop being stubborn. We have cows to milk, go on.

**Gilbert** \- Do not play the "I was a Knight of Seiros" card on me. I've known you for many years, Gilbert, and I must have your word you will work with us. And I will ONLY let you out of your cell if you spend every day with Annette.

**Hanneman** \- Do not follow up sentences with "jolly good show!"

**Hilda** \- We really could've used your brother's support. To hear from a letter that he has…._explosive…_sigh_…..diarrhea_ makes it all the more disheartening.

**Hubert** \- Congratulations, you've been separated from your Emperor thanks to Byleth and Ferdinand. I've tasked Byleth personally with making sure you stay alive and in this magic-locking cell. Oh, I know you'll never tell us any of Edelgard's secrets. But you can still be helpful when we combat Kronya's kind in the future. "Those That Slither in the Dark"? That's….a mouthful.

**Ignatz **\- Not to worry. Judith has reorganized her forces to protect your family, and Raphael's sister and grandfather. Oh, you want something else? …..for crying out loud, NOW is not the time to ask if you can join Byle_-fine!_

**Ingrid** \- There goes another hope of Kingdom support. I know you don't wish to be bound to your father's wishes but there was a more sensitive way to tell him than going "no crest babies for THIS girl"!

**Kronya **\- "I'm bored" should not be followed by you making dead rat puppet theater. How about we all just STOP with the rats already?

**Judith **\- I am amazed at the way you easily make Claude so flustered. Please, I encourage you to be there to deflate any schemes he can think of to undermine us. Referencing that "Gloucester Boy" might surpass him is a good start.

**Ladislavia** \- No you may not request a cell change. Does being next to Dimitri frighten you that much? Oh, he…hm, those are some rather graphic things he threatened you with. I think our alliance has been secured so you can be let out. Foul up once and you'll be bunking with him. Do I look like I'm kidding? No I will not say "sike", whatever that means.

**Leonie** \- Please do not remind Byleth of her Eisner clan plans. I can't tell if Jeralt would roll in his grave if he saw what has happened involving his child. But for his sake we'll try to support her as best we can.

**Linhardt **\- How could you think _this_ beast you found was related to me, too? Do you need glasses? Perhaps an eye exam. Maybe we should just tie a blindfold around your eyes. Or around your mouth.

**Lorenz** \- Claude is not going to call you "Alliance Leader" non-sarcastically no matter how many times you request it.

**Lysithea** \- I don't think eating _one_ piece of celery will make you grow. Especially when you throw it up after. Clean that up, please.

**Manuela **\- You are a physician. We use medical data for information purposes, not to post a chart of everyone's bust size and boast that yours is the biggest at Garreg Mach.

**Marianne** \- It seems you're back to normal…..well, save for the sudden cravings for meat. I don't even know where we would find a buffalo. Regardless, it is nice to have you not ashamed of who you are now….oh, you're going to write to your adoptive father about you and Hilda? Good luck.

**Mercedes** \- I really would advise you not to copy your fellow students and attempt to capture your own brother, the _Death Knight._ Making battle poses in the mirror and threatening to "give Emile a spanking" can only provide so much manpower to carry it out.

**Nader** \- For an ally of Claude, you seem to take your imprisonment rather well. In that you say you just need good drink and a bed.

**Petra **\- I am….mostly sure Byleth does not have them. "Balls of steel" does not mean someone literally has them, just that they're brave. She was wondering why you were eyeing her with a stick in hand.

**Randolph** \- If calling you "Uncle Randy" is the only way people can remember you, I'd say take it.

**Raphael** \- Where on earth did you vanish to?!

**Shamir** \- Catherine only wishes to establish pet names. She let you call her "Cassie" but when she says "Shammy" you threaten to punch her? I don't think she's the type to call you "S" instead.

**Sylvain** \- Describing Felix as the ultimate "bro before a ho" does not really explain the kind of relationship you have in mind. "It's not gay if you say-" you know what? I'm not going to ask anymore. Follow your heart! Either you, the two of you are a good team. Now go get patched up.

* * *

**To be continued...**

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this is me warping canon some more to get back some friends we've missed. The irony is, the devs didn't plan a golden route and I like the idea of there not being one. I hope people don't interpret me as making one, just me having fun.


	18. Silver Snow - Garland Moon

**Attention everyone! We have achieved Lady Rhea back from the help from….shall we say other students. They are our allies now - Yuri, Constance, Balthus, and Hapi.**

**-Seteth**

* * *

**Alois** \- Well done. We were all rooting for you but when Bernadetta's father challenged you after she dragged him back here, you defeated him soundly. There's nothing more than I respect than a dutiful father. …..er, I do not have one. I politely decline the offer for you to be mine as well.

**Anna** \- I would commend you for hiring these individuals from the Abyss to get Lady Rhea back, but you exposed several church secrets and promised an insanely high sum to these four for their assistance. How are we supposed to fulfill this? Oh of _course_, you'll buy our debt so you'll have power over Garreg Mach…..to conduct all the businesses you want. Fine. You win. I'll pay any price for Lady Rhea's safety.

**Annette** \- You're very welcome to have Gilbert back. Perhaps you two should secure the Dominic House relic….no, I did not say frolicking in the woods.

**Ashe** \- I suppose I cannot prevent you all from exploring Abyss, but do you have to begin discoveries with "Zoinks"? What even is that word?

**Balthus** \- Thank you for your efforts. …..yes, I know what Anna promised you. If bounty hunters are such a hassle, I'll move some funds around.

**Bernadetta** \- We were all in a good mood when Alois defended your honor, but we were also a little disturbed to have you scream and smack your father with several blunt objects. We've taken him away before you completely _snap_.. Here, channel Braveadetta to keep an eye on Hubert….

**Byleth** \- I am sorry. Lady Rhea has specifically requested that you (and, only you) give her sponge baths. Anything to facilitate her recovery, please. ….you don't mind?

**Caspar** \- You are…..a mind beyond my understanding. Axe proficiency does not mean you get six of them, tie them together vertically, and use a giant axe pole weapon to smack the Death Knight with.

**Catherine** \- I understand you're a tad disappointed you didn't do it personally but we're not "letting" Lady Rhea get captured so you can save her, even if the plan was to use regular guards and to have her be moved only 2 feet from the grounds.

**Claude** \- Lady Rhea must rest. If you keep prodding her about her secrets, I will let Cyril do whatever he wants to keep you in line.

**Constance **\- A pleasure to have you on our side. I am sure we can begin restoration of your house when the war is over…also I request you start taking parasols whenever you go. People are unnerved by "Sunstance".

**Cornelia** \- I'm just as surprised as you are over these new developments. But you're one of our prisoners now, and without you Faerghus has a chance of joining our efforts. You'd better start thinking of ways of being useful to the war front. We don't want you to lock you in the same cell as Dimitri, do we?

**Cyril **\- Wait for Claude's response before you prepare the bombs. …also do not prepare bombs!

**Dedue** \- You don't seem to be an active threat so you can be released. Please, it is HIGHLY imperative you always stand by Dimitri's cell. You're one of the few things that can decrease his murderous rage ever so slightly.

**Dimitri** \- If we have to send in Dedue and Byleth armed just to give you regular food, we will. You cannot request weeds and rocks to consume. Good heavens…..

**Dorothea** \- You are asking me if you can marry the man you have in mind? I'm touched, but you do not need my permission. ….it is a man because you implied it _is_, I know women can marry other women. I am not old-fashioned!

**Felix** \- Stop acting as if your own father is as bad as _Bernadetta's_. I've seen too much father baggage from you all, but this is nothing you can't talk out.

**Ferdinand** \- I am sorry your father is dead. If there's anything I can do, let me know. You can marry Dorothea and have a bunch of Aegir children _after_ this is done.

**Flayn **\- People are asking why you called Rhea "Seiros". You know what, this is getting ridiculous. This army is getting too big to hide secrets and we already disposed of the one that took your blood. Byleth will protect us. It's time we tell the truth.

**Fleche** \- Apology accepted. Perhaps you can be a Knight of Seiros with some dedication. Oh, it is advised you give me the 257 knives you were hiding just to try to kill Byleth.

**Gilbert **\- You will be in charge of carrying out Cornelia's sentence here and eventual fate in the Kingdom for her transgressions. So when she implies that she had relations with your wife, it is incredibly obvious she is only trying to provoke you. Do not believe her lies. Yes, I have seen the size of her "harlot breasts".

**Hanneman** \- Manuela did not think it was funny for you to instruct the dining hall staff to drop her food. People, can we stop tempting those who prepare our food?

**Hapi** \- I must thank you for all you've done, but I think "cancelling" the church is a bit out of my power at the moment.

**Hilda** \- You will not start fads just to spice up wartime life. Put away the hula hoops, attachable side burns, kazoos, harmonicas, and other assorted knickknacks.

**Hubert** \- What? From the destruction of the fort you could ascertain where the base of the Slithers are? Tell me! No, I am not calling them TWSTD! "Slithers" is more to the point! I see. So you're using this as a bargaining chip to secure your release. Do not make me send Bernadetta at you.

**Ignatz** \- Perhaps we should not serve you coffee. You keep bouncing in your seat at war meetings and you're all jittery.

**Ingrid** \- Trying to remind Dimitri of the "good ol' days" is a terrible approach. Each pleasant memory he counters with grim memories of death and blood. Trying to entertain him with the tacky gold coin under your ear trick is not helping either.

**Kronya** \- I know "Agarthan" is the proper term, but you of all people should know the army will never address you as such. It's either "Slitherer", "Moleperson", "Titty Clown", or "Hot Girl That Killed Jeralt".

**Jertiza** \- It seems your sister was effective in capturing you at the fort. For everyone's protection, we have chained you up in this dark chamber and we will not be letting you out under any circumstance. Mercedes has promised to bring you cookies. ….what? You want _ice cream?_

**Judith** \- We really do not need to know the approximate power of your cervix.

**Ladislavia** \- There are better things to do with you time than write and rehearse the resignation letter to Edelgard, as if _you're _going to be fighting her head on. There's a quite a few that wish to settle the score with her.

**Lady Rhea** \- Words cannot describe the elation I have at seeing you back with us. You've been through a lot. But we will end this war on our own terms. I do think it is time to reveal all you know about Byleth and her origins, just so we can all have closure. Afterward, please rest up.

**Leonie** \- I really would rather you not encourage the pet behavior of Kronya by serving her dog kibble and dirty dish water in bowls. Even if she consumes it in front of you. Even if you think it's "pathetically funny".

**Linhardt** \- Do not flip coins to decide if you're going to sleep OR write a dissertation on Lysithea's condition. What a limiting scale of activities.

**Lorenz** \- I will not be your "wingman" while you decide to court Ladislavia.

**Lysithea** \- Comforting Ferdinand over his dead father does not translate to saying "if it helps, you'll be bald well before his age".

**Manuela **\- Request to organize all the men by the sizes of their…..um…..the answer is no. No it is not "for science".

**Marianne** \- I am sorry Count Edmund has disowned you. Although from the big smile on your face you're not particularly bothered by it.

**Mercedes** \- I am impressed you carried out your plan, as in you actually bent your brother over your knee and _spanked_ him. Since he was the Death Knight, people are now more afraid of you than anything else, but I am sure that is little consequence. Be warned you are the only person preventing Jertiza from being executed. Yes….right…._Emile._

**Nader** \- People have requested you stop "manspreading" in the sauna. Yes I am aware you are quite large and the benches are not that big.

**Petra** \- Manuela is not sharing that data with you, even if you think it would help you figure out what man has the best genes for your offspring.

**Randolph** \- Do not take this uncle title so seriously. You do not have to loan people money, tell them ridiculous stories, tell unfunny jokes, and offer to show people "how to be a man". Dear Goddess, one Alois is fine enough.

**Raphael** \- I cannot you went ALL the way to Faerghus and disrupted the pro-Empire dukedom by kidnapping _Cornelia_ of all people. How did you…..I'm not going to question it. The dining hall has decided to revoke your ban.

**Rodrigue** \- At least, we have some Kingdom support. I would recommend you stay around to help Dimitri change, but maybe try to amend your relationship with your son as well. He is not going to forget that one time you accidentally (he thinks differently) called him Glenn. I know, mistakes happen.

**Shamir** \- You tell everyone you keep your gloves on to always be ready for the next battle. So imagine our shock when you took them off, they were flawlessly manicured and well-moisturized. I get that it's a secret but please do not say, straight-faced, that you'll kill whoever finds out the secret.

**Sylvain** \- You're sorely mistaken if you think Edelgard and Dimitri can solve both of their problems if they…..have _relations_. They would just kill each other.

**Yuri **\- Thank you for all your assistance, we…..I'm sorry. The church has too much dirty laundry to resolve it so quickly. Abyss should be destroyed and all of you able to live whoever you wi-it's not that? Then what? Wait, _what_ about Aelfric?

* * *

**To be continued...**

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a) we're coming close to the end. Next is post Edelgard - dubstep city - ? (hint: it is not what SS endgame normally is) so the cast has gotten really big, but i don't need to write it that way for too long.
> 
> b) yep, the cs students. the DLC itself takes place in a separate timeline so you can't really have its events within the main story...except, when you can? i'm glad i got to include them but moving forward might be spoilerly.
> 
> c) something still has to give for dimitri to snap back and i really hate to kill you-know-who, buuuuuut i did still kill jeralt. i'd actually take suggestions if someone has an idea. i'm also surprised i haven't done any byleth time gags at all. actually, i JUST thought of something so crazy it's kinda brilliant. and unique!


	19. Silver Snow - Blue Sea Moon

**Attention, everyone! The empire has been defeated! But we cannot declare this war to be over while those who have pulled the strings still exist. Prepare to invade Shambhala!**

**-Seteth**

* * *

**Alois** \- I see you've followed my fishing steps quite well. _Too well._ Now I suggest you put all this fish back in the coast and restore the ecosystem you disrupted.

**Anna** \- Well, you say your special relic is finally on its way? I'll believe it when I see it, Anna. I can't believe you didn't even want to pay for express delivery.

**Annette **\- Your Crusher relic was quite integral to securing our decisive victory in the capital. Now please put it away before you accidentally demolish Garreg Mach with it!

**Ashe **\- We will need all the weaponry we can get our hands on. You're tasked with rummaging through the scrap heap in Abyss for our supplies. Things like rusted swords or tattered lances, not toothpicks and toothbrushes people have made into shivs.

**Balthus** \- I think we've all gotten the point that you are the self-proclaimed "King of Grappling". Kindly stop saying it around Caspar because he won't stop challenging you for the title. Did I mention both of you tend to break things too?

**Bernadetta **\- You've been handling Hubert surprisingly well. Although I would not have guessed the two of you only bond over grim poetry you write.

**Byleth** \- It is clear that you must lead the people of Fodlan when this is over. Your strength, your skills….you forgave Rhea for her actions affecting your life, and to top it off….you brought a defeated Edelgard back to the monastery. Even when she ordered you to kill her, you refused. Please lead the front lines in our next battle. I beg you. You're the most competent person here.

**Caspar **\- The reason why you're not involved in surrender negotiations is because you just punch people. We're trying to establish a ceasefire within the empire. You were willing to punch your father and your brother. I think you're just a maniac.

**Catherine** \- Stop with this tomfoolery. You do not have to drop by Edelgard's cell and shout "Church 1, Empire 0! Suck on that!".

**Claude** \- The terms for your release have been granted. You help us finish this war, and we will let you go to Almayra to be part of a postwar international recovery effort and lead Fodlan-Almayra relations from there. Also if you think I'm drinking this tea you obviously drugged, you're insane.

**Constance** \- Lamenting the tight relations of the former House Nuvelle has unfortunately made people think you're the product of inbreeding. Which astounds me that it's not the reason for the _actual_ idiots in this army.

**Cornelia **\- I told you, Gilbert is in charge of you. You supplied us with the most direct route to Shambhala but if he demands you to wear a conservative outfit with a chastity belt, then you do it. Also being forced to clean our sewer system is more him getting revenge. You could just do the Kronya option and sacrifice all your dignity just to save your life. Seems to have worked for her.

**Cyril** \- I don't like that you keep saying "hit or miss" as some sort of ridiculous catchphase. Now is a terrible time to brainstorm how to get more recognition.

**Dedue** \- Your assistance in helping us clean up the aftermath of Dimitri and Edelgard's meeting was greatly appreciated. So much blood…..

**Dimitri** \- I cannot believe Byleth suggested we lock you in a room with Edelgard, arm the both of you with your weapons, and wait for you to "work it out". We all know the Agarthans manipulated the two of you into doing the exact conflict we were trying to avoid! It took Dedue, Byleth, Alois, Gilbert, myself, Rodrigue, Felix, Sylvain, and Catherine to finally pry you apart…Manuela is going to run out of bandages _fast._

**Dorothea** \- I think plans to have an opera based on Edelgard's rise and fall can wait. You'd best return all the ketchup you acquired for blood.

**Edelgard **\- We did all of this just to prevent your desire to be finished off. You're guilty of starting this war….but all the same, you are a victim in your own right. Learn from Byleth's mercy. You and Dimitri have established a very precarious alliance…..that neither of you will rest until you slaughter _every_ resident of Shambhala. Oh, they will _regret_ using the both of you….um, we can get into the crest problem AFTER we finish this war.

**Felix** \- Do not blame Annette for her songs. It is your own fault you keep singing that song about cat food.

**Ferdinand** \- I think it is fairly obvious Edelgard will not be allowed to remain Emperor, a condition Dimitri, Rhea, myself, and Byleth all agreed on. Which leaves….._you_ as literally the best option to lead Adestria. Oh at least _try _to mask your excitement.

**Flayn** \- I suspect the reason why Byleth has shown reluctance to use the Goddess's power is because she was unable to stop Jeralt's demise with it. Perhaps she is afraid she will do more harm than good with it. What could happen? ….I have the strangest suspicion I will regret saying that.

**Fleche** \- I don't know what an "Est" is and why people keep calling you that. It doesn't sound like a complement.

**Gilbert** \- This is probably your way of having fun for years of suffering before the time comes to seriously punish Cornelia for damaging Faerghus. Like making her write "I will not kidnap, manipulate, and harm populations of people just for my own sick fun" multiple times on chalkboards until she gets cramps in her fingers. I'm actually seeing you _smile_ at your payback methods.

**Hanneman** \- You're working on a device to remove crests from individuals? Based on the problems in our society I would throw in my support for such an item. …please, do not call it "The Remove-a-Crestnator 9000".

**Hapi** \- I see Cornelia wronged you by kidnapping you and performing dangerous experiments on you. Fine, you can help Gilbert with his latest punishment - running a "Give Cornelia a Cream Pie" stand, where people throw fresh creampies at the witch. Yes, he probably knew the double meaning. His sense of humor is…..Gilbert-like.

**Hilda** \- Byleth will not rewind time just you can try out different nail paint colors in the same day.

**Hubert** \- You look surprised. You thought Dimitri would die first? He's too angry to die.

**Ignatz **\- I think you need to calm yourself. I might be Cichol, Flayn might be Cethleann, and Rhea might be Seiros but we're willing to put the holy past behind us. We do not wish to be worshipped anymore. Please stop frantically painting artwork of the three of us.

**Ingrid** \- Felix and Sylvain do not think it's funny you call them "my gay boys" when you think it is.

**Kronya** \- Oh you've suggested the most brilliant punishment yet for Cornelia. While you enjoy licking Byleth's feet, the mere suggestion of her doing that to Gilbert made her skin turn white. Like I said, sometimes life is worth more than dignity.

**Jertiza** \- Byleth has agreed to duel you only on the condition you help her in the fight against Shambhala. And Mercedes is allowed to knock you out with magic should your bloodlust get out of control.

**Judith** \- You can do what you wish, but being open friends with benefits with Nader is not a sight we really want to see. Yes, I know "a woman's gotta f-…._have relations_, Seteth".

**Ladislavia** \- Ah, when you blush and shout at Lorenz that you're not interested in him, that only makes him more determined. Especially when you keep agreeing to his tea invitations.

**Lady Rhea** \- The truth is known. You've relinquished your Archbishop title…..but I suppose I'll address you as my superior for just a little longer? Now, I think we need to have a talk about this Goddess outfit you've acquired for Byleth…Rhea, you've circled the chest area on the design documents. _Several times._

**Leonie** \- No do not suggest Byleth marry her for a symbolic gesture! "I'm sure one of them can have a kid" - good heavens, stop giving Rhea ideas! You and I both know either would name it after Jeralt!

**Linhardt** \- Over my dead body will you court Flayn for "research purposes". Her crest will NOT be passed through your family genes any longer!

**Lorenz** \- Do not look so victorious, you cannot become Alliance leader until the war is officially over. Claude has given it up, so…..or you and Ferdinand could have a noble's noble lunch celebrating the both of you. _Sigh._

**Lysithea** \- Permission to nuke Shambhala for experimenting on you denied. Not that I don't support your desires, just that you nuking it would kill our of allies. No, that is NOT a fair sacrifice.

**Manuela** \- I don't believe this. You're breaking up with ME? I was actually enjoying our last…..oh, you're just not ready to fulfill a motherly role so fast. Because….right. Well…..it was still a pleasure while it lasted. I suppose I still think of my departed wife from time to time. No, I will not have breakup sex with you. Go finish treating Dimitri and Edelgard!

**Marianne** \- What? Hilda said you need to defeat her brother in hand-to-hand combat to officially marry her? I suggest you go see Rhea. She knows how to brawl quite well on behalf of her loved ones.

**Mercedes** \- The Death Knight half of Jertiza freezes in terror whenever he spots you. Not even Lysithea scares him that much. People are already calling you the "Life Knight".

**Nader** \- You plan to go with Claude when this is all over? Understood. Sorry, but Judith still has territory to run so she can't come with you. …..oh stop laughing, the two words sound the same.

**Petra** \- We have successfully arranged for Briggid's liberation from the Empire, but I understand your concern over Dagda's aggression in the past. We can still reinforce your homeland. No, you definitely should _not_ take the idea from this army and just capture your enemies. Diplomacy is not the same as being impulsive and reckless in a war.

**Randolph** \- Oh stop with the "back in my day" talk. Do you realize there's three people here that are _thousands_ of years old?

**Raphael** \- Your return to the dining hall was the hardest day the staff had to work in the monastery's _history. _If you want more you'll be ready to fight.

**Rodrigue **\- I am also perplexed why Felix calls you a "boomer", whatever that is. But mending the relationship between man and child is a task I value greatly, so I will help you.

**Shamir** \- It was surprising you were waiting behind all those cats in the dining hall….less surprising that you would shoot arrows at whoever tried to cut them.

**Sylvain** \- I suppose you're half right, although I would imagine the both of them in even worse shape were they to engage with each other. Right now they're powered by rage and hate, so I suggest we all keep our distance from them.

**Yuri** \- It is….not every day one of the church, the caretaker of Abyss would go insane and try to revive the departed mother of Byleth. I trust you'll keep your discretion on this matte-no don't go off and make necrophilia jokes!

* * *

**To be continued...**

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well seeing as this is not AW let's just assume Dimitri doesn't turn around as well as he did there, but I'm trying whatever I can. I'll probably skip the Rodrigue thing?  
Anyways next chapter will be that crazy idea I thought of. Also it should be obvious who Byleth will end up with, I mean, it IS technically, for the most part, still Silver Snow after all!


	20. Silver Snow - Verdant Moon

**Attention, all. The final opponents lay before us…..Nemesis, the King of Liberation and his army. The fate of Fodlan rests squarely on the outcome of our next battle. Let us prepare to end this!**

**-Seteth**

* * *

**Alois - **I do not know what this look is trying to be but you _will _ditch the sunglasses and hair adorned into a bun. It is certainly not what "the younger folks are wearing these days".

**Anna** \- You…..I can't believe you were not lying. The relic of Earnest is a cannon that…_shoots laser beams._ Next time I will just nod plainly and not try to argue with you.

**Annette** \- I do not know what the horrible music of Shambhala was called, and it _was_ pretty distressing that it had no lyrics. Even your own voice could not save it.

**Ashe **\- It is clear that your restaurant idea has potential if launched, considering that you got rid of the rats. You're a good cook. But I urge you not to employ anyone that has made the kitchen _explode_. This is a surprisingly high ratio of Garreg Mach.

**Balthus** \- Claude has asked…..well, rather _implored_ me, for me to make you stop making suggestive comments about his mother. Between that and Judith, it seems older women are just his bane in general.

**Bernadetta **\- Rotating jailors is a way to give the current one a break and/or use others to subdue the prisoner. Booking yourself to cover Hubert every single day is a far cry from the Bernadetta I knew five years ago, are you….._falling_ for him?

**Byleth** \- Let us review that transpired in Shambhala. We charged through to attack, and each time one of us was killed by the Agarthans, you rewinded time to save us. But when you kept having to do it…..you _ripped a hole in time and space_ and produced a male clone of yourself, who not only has a creator sword, but generally has the same memories. This clone was confused but he opted to help us destroy the Agarthans as he too had a memory of Jeralt dying. So now we have a second Byleth whom you suggested we call "Bylad" to differentiate you two. That much I can accept. ….I just do not understand why HIS outfit is much more conservative than yours! It is NOT a mystery!

**Caspar **\- We will not be taking trophies from the hordes of dead Agarthans. Get rid of that bulky armor.

**Catherine** \- Do not even suggest as a joke that you left Thunderbrand in the underground otherworldly city. It _blew up. _It's right there, under your bed.

**Claude** \- "Dubstep" is such an odd name for you to give to the Agarthan music. It doesn't even sound like it means anything, but I suppose it shall suffice.

**Constance** \- I sense your growing panic on who to wed for the sake of your house, but there is a better way than organizing 60 second rounds of speed dating, than giving standardized tests to all of the candidates.

**Cornelia** \- It seems you're now truly terrified on what Dimitri can do. Gilbert even debated throwing you in the line of his carnage. Ahhhh, there it is. The look of a trapped rat.

**Cyril **\- I feel the violent urge to bash you after you said "hit or miss, I guess I never miss HUH?" during the last battle.

**Dedue **\- It was rather nice to see you and Dimitri hug and be at peace when it was all over. Although he still must insist he can take a bath by himself.

**Dimitri **\- It seems the endless slaughter…has given you introspection. You worked with Edelgard to destroy a common foe, understanding the two of you are not so different. And at some point you realized how gratuitous it got. No seriously, you choked a few, disemboweled others, ripped off legs and arms, at one point even used your _teeth_ to…..never mind. The two of you will still need some emotional help but we are grateful you're on the path to changing yourself. Now please wash all the blood and gore off, the odor is quite unpleasant.

**Dorothea** \- I would scold you for casually saying "both versions of the Professor are pretty attractive" but even Lady Rhea seemed to agree with you.

**Edelgard** \- Shambhala is no more. You proved to be just as lethal as Dimitri during the carnage….and lastly there was Thales, whom had masqueraded as your Uncle Arundel. Well….it was rather amusing to have him cowering in a corner while you and Dimitri politely insisted the _other _should slaughter him, the both of you covered in the guts of his fallen comrades. Unfortunately that gave him time to blow the city up, but at least he is gone.

**Felix **\- It is understandable that you would be so disgusted with Dimitri…..but we didn't miss the smile you had once he thanked all of his friends and promised not to wallow in the shadow of his past any longer. Oh shut up, it _was_ a smile and you know it.

**Ferdinand** **\- **Um, save the victory speeches until the war is over _completely._ I know half of those pages are your planned reforms as Emperor.

**Flayn** \- There's a lot to process with two versions of…..what, you got a letter? From whom? Indech and Macuil…..it is….nice to actually hear from them. ….wait, they're in a transformed state. How on earth did they _write _this?

**Fleche** \- I am glad you passed both the Beginner and Intermediate Exams. Although in both cases your testing hall was completely empty and your brother - in his Uncle Randy mode - was taking a nap while he was proctoring.

**Gilbert** \- Cornelia been punished a lot, so I presume she will remain in a cell in Faerghus for the reminder of her days…..what, there's one more punishment? And it involves your wife? Wait…..no…..what are you….?

**Hanneman** \- They're the same person but with different genders. Bylad having the Crest of Flames too should come as no shock. No I do not want to hear your theory on "parallel universes" and…..a crest is a crest. You cannot say it's half.

**Hapi **\- There's a reason why you cannot sigh. It invites beasts to attack. Although I suppose it was effective when you used this ability to make beasts burst into the city and pick off weakened Agarthans. Hmm….maybe I need to sign you up for some therapy too.

**Hilda** \- Marianne insists she does not have "UNO".

**Hubert **\- I cannot believe Bernadetta has changed her tune on you. It's rather surprising…..I must ask where does your allegiance truly lay anymore? Will you be a prisoner with Edelgard or bargain for your own release? Saying to let Edelgard decide to perhaps the most in-character approach to it.

**Ignatz** \- Let us try this again. The Goddess had several children, myself and Rhea being two of them. We had to lay low for centuries and conceal our identities. Flayn is my offspring so she is Rhea's niece. Byleth was born from Sitri - a homunculus Rhea created to be a vessel for the Goddess. Do I need to draw you a diagram?

**Ingrid** \- Felix has threatened to cut you with his sword should you name your future first child "Glenn". He has instead suggested the name….."Ashe's Spawn".

**Kronya** \- It is rather disturbing you could only laugh as your kind was killed before Thales blew up the entire city. Though given the history of your kind…..I suppose one could ONLY laugh after an unceremonious defeat.

**Jertiza** \- The Agarthans were terrified of you and you using the weapon THEY made to slaughter them in droves. Although it should be noted they feared Mercedes _more_ because she was holding you back with a neck chain as if you were a rabid hound.

**Judith** \- When things are blowing up, the answer is not to don sunglasses, walk slowly from it, and say "cool women don't look at explosions".

**Ladislavia **\- The look on your face when you announced to Edelgard your departure from the empire when she had no idea what your name was…was rather sad, actually. Understand she's had a lot on her mind as of late.

**Lady Rhea** \- It is not proper to say to Bylad "if she wasn't here, you could take her place" while rubbing his cheek. Pick one and stay with one, for the sake of us all. Wha-he is not our "brother-in-law"! I mean…..yes…..but…..er…..Goddess, give me strength….

**Leonie** \- The Goddess has not "smiled on me by giving me Bylad". He is still his own individual. If you wish to court him, then it must do it by the strength of your own efforts.

**Linhardt** \- "If Byleth procreates with Bylad, is that selfcest or mastur-" shut up shut up shut UP SHUT UP

**Lorenz** \- I'm actually surprised some female knights were disappointed when you said you were taken. Doubly so that you gave them a rose as consolation. Do….do you have a _fanclub_ now?

**Lysithea **\- Thank you for warping us out of the city before we all got caught in its exploding wake. You might be disappointed you didn't get to nuke but go ahead, Nemesis is all yours.

**Manuela** \- "What's Hanneman's favorite tea" oh come ON

**Marianne** \- Well you were right to think Holst would break all of your bones if you fought him fairly. But seeing as how his…._diarrhea_ flared up you won by forfeit.

**Mercedes** \- Your reputation as "the Death Knight handler" has made people rush to pray, donate to charity, and be _nice_ just to appease you. This is a very powerful ability you now possess.

**Nader** \- Please do not "dab" on the smoldered remains of the Agarthan stronghold.

**Petra** \- Well, at least you're happy you understand "why the hoes are mad".

**Randolph** \- Okay, you're done with this stupid uncle role. Doling out booze and special herbs is where I officially draw the line.

**Raphael** \- How could you actually CONFUSE the two Byleths. One of them is a _woman_!

**Rodrigue** \- You saying you do not care what Felix does with his life, as long as he follows his heart….was actually enough to make your son _cry _and say "shut up dad you're making it hard to hate you".

**Shamir **\- Now is hardly the time to renegotiate your contract! Help us one last time and you can do whatever you want after.

**Sylvain** \- Please do not suggest to Dimitri he needs to continue his Bladdiyd line with Edelgard. He is actually pondering the idea. The man is still damaged!

**Yuri **\- Yeah, I told you it was not a good idea. Rhea heard, transformed into her dragon form, and nearly vaporized you with her breath. Those related to her is a…._touchy_ subject for her.

* * *

**To be continued...**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) Don't get the wrong idea, Seteth was only assuming the worst for Gilbert. It's not at all what you think.
> 
> 2) "Why Nemesis, this isn't GD" It was a crime that Rhea never got to settle the score with the foe in the very beginning of the game. The actual SS endgame is just this weird contrived event. SS and GD share a lot of elements, what's one more that makes the game feel a bit more conclusive?
> 
> 3) Next chapter shall conclude the story...not as Seteth still scolding people but everyone's individual ending. I'm sorry I couldn't use every single suggestion out there but I am looking forward to the end. Some paired events from the game, some of my own head, some just mixing whatever. Stay tuned.
> 
> 3.5) in japanese the Byleths have differing names (ベレト vs ベレス). The best English equivalent of this is the fan rendition of "Bylad" and "Bylass". I used that in a story where both Byleths hang out with fellow DLC character Terry Bogard.


	21. Silver Snow - Epilogue

**Alois Ragneld **resumed life as a Knight, doubly so as a loyal Knight to the child of his departed mentor. He continues to charm his family with his jokes and jolly demeanor, and even established his own comedy club, Chuckles. …People go for the booze.

**Anna, **as manager of Garreg Mach's debts, managed to propel herself as the #1 merchant in Fodlan, setting up connections across the continent and even starting her own company, Anna Co. She eventually married and had a little Anna of her own, whom she affectionately calls Junior.

**Annette Fantine Dominic **returned home to Dominic territory with Gilbert and together they reunited their family. She remains good friends with Mercedes, and she decided to become a music teacher. Felix attends only to hear her songs.

**Ashe Ubert** married Ingrid and together they became loyal and popular Knights of Faerghus. He would read knightly stories to the children of the country and eventually his own. On the side he runs Ashe's Bistro, although he has to keep insisting rats don't help him cook (they do).

**Balthus von Albercht** returned home to his territory with enough gold to pay off his debts and start things anew. He had no interest in running the house, and it didn't take long for him to start collecting more debts. But to keep him out of trouble, his family forced him to work for Anna and be a debt collector. He still prefers the cougars.

**Bernadetta von Varley** overthrew her own father and imprisoned him for his treatment. She settled down with Hubert and the spymaster's presence alone was enough to make anyone think twice about mistreating her. She has penned many successful albeit dark novels. Still calls herself Alois's daughter.

**Byleth Eisner** ascended to Archbishop and married Rhea. Everyone felt she was the only worthy candidate for the job. Her Eisner clan swelled with the ranks of outcasts, orphans, mercenaries, and anyone loyal to her. She would have three children - Jeralt, Sitri, and Sothis, all with matching green hair.

**Caspar von Bergliez **continued his training and punching people in the name of justice. Petra ended up marrying him and their union solidified alliance between Briggid and Adrestria. He encourages short kids to fight for their rights and punch the taller kids until they say uncle.

**Catherine - aka Cassandra Rubens Charon - **remained a Knight and brushed off her family's disapproval of her lifestyle. She would spend her days teaching new knights, traveling with Shamir, and so on. She officially announced she was gay to the surprise of literally no one.

**Claude von Riegan** returned to Almayra and managed to broker a peace between them and Fodlan. He gave his house's land to Lorenz and Riegan was absorbed into the Alliance. Still keeps in touch with his Teach and still cooks up poisonous mixtures for battle. It was said he is spreading the dreaded dubstep. The Almayrans _love _it.

**Constance von Nuvelle** gained some of her house's prestige back thanks to the new Emperor, replacing the fallen Hresvelg house. She would dazzle the populace with her magic tricks and got closer to her old childhood friend Emile. She is planning a strategic marriage to him to cement her power, which people are nervous about.

**Cornelia **was sent back to Faerghus but rather than have her origins exposed, she reformed and became the most polite, nice, and holy woman in the region, to emulate the identity she stole. Those who knew the truth debated if she should hang, but Gilbert insisted she had to use her time to restore the country she helped ruin, a more pragmatic punishment. She never stepped out of line again, out of fear of not just him and Dimitri, but _Lady Dominic_.

**Cyril **used his education from Rhea and skills from Shamir to help those affected by war, even forming a gang of youths to look out for those in need, the "Bow Boys". Although his comrades had to plead with him to not use the bombs he managed to make.

**Dedue Molinaro** remained in service to Dimitri and helped find a home for all the survivors of the Tragedy of Duscur. His people still remained in pain, but both sides worked to ensure the survivors faced less prejudice. He started an orphanage with his new wife Mercedes to help the downtrodden.

**Dimitri Alexandre Bladdiyd** ascended to the throne as King of Faerghus. He was reluctant but his friends and loved ones made him realize he was the only one that could pull his country of the darkness. He takes time to get therapy often, and vows to never forget what he did. He has also restored his lost friendship with Edelgard.

**Dorothea Arnault **married Ferdinand and became Empress of Adrestria. But not wanting the title to stamp out where she came from, she made it her mission to help the poor however she could and lower the gap in wealth. Many adored the free opera shows she would hold throughout the country to boost morale, and she was never happier.

**Edelgard von Hresvelg** surrendered her title, her house, her land, and more as a consequence of starting war. In her days under house arrest she penned her memoirs and several essays on the changing political landscape. Eventually she was allowed to reside in Faerghus, to give her and Dimitri closure in therapy sessions together. Thanks to Hanneman she removed both her crests and restored her hair color to what it once was.

**Felix Hugo Fradarius** resided over his region to assist both his father and Dimitri, having restored his relationship with both. He still trains, and he's still quite gruff, but everyone knows he's reliable. Eventually he would travel the land with Sylvain for both diplomacy and to test his blade.

**Ferdinand von Aegir** became Emperor and began a sweeping list of reforms to better improve society, lifting the shame his father brought the house. He was quite popular with the common folk and nobles alike. Many would say his catchphrase. He keeps insisting it's not one.

**Flayn - Saint Cethleann** \- stepped away from the public eye for peace and moved closer to the sea with her father. She still loves eating fish and other delicious food, and from time to time she takes trips to see the rest of the world.

**Fleche von Bergliez** passed Advanced and even Mastery Exams to become one of the most pronounced soldiers in the Empire….by the time she was only 17. She insists she only worked hard to get where she was, denying the existence of "The Est Principle" scholars have created.

**Gilbert Pronislav - aka Gustave Eddie Dominic** \- officially retired and went home to spend his days woodworking, fishing, and being with his wife and daughter. He teaches new knights from time to time, now with a peaced smile that he has gotten both Annette and his country back.

**Hanneman von Essar** continued his research on Crests and completed his life's work, the device to _remove Crests_. Although many entrenched in the system refused to do it out of fear of compromising their own power, many hurt by the system - including Edelgard, Sylvain, and Lysithea - had it done. He soon became the most revered scholar in Fodlan.

**Hapi** returned to her village to reunite with her family, and closely oversaw both the reformation of Cornelia and the Church. She still considers Abyss a home, and even though her curse of sighing to draw beasts was eventually fixed, she loves pranking people into thinking it could still happen.

**Hilda Valentine Goneril** (much to her chagrin) became head of her house based on how much stronger she had gotten over the years, even defeating Holst in an arm wrestling much. She's still quite lazy, and many have taken that as the secret to becoming more powerful. When told about this, she simply shrugged and took a nap.

**Hubert von Vestra** assisted Ferdinand with restructuring the Empire, removing his own house to support the rise of Aegir, Nuvelle, Bergliez, Varley, and Hevring. Despite being tied with assisting the Emperor and being with Bernadetta, he remains eternally loyal to Edelgard and writes to her often.

**Ignatz Victor** became an artist-knight under Gloucester support, satisfying his father but also accomplishing his own dreams. Although not the most skilled fighter in battle, he would dazzle friend and foe alike with his paintings, of which he still has 5628 more commissions to fill.

**Ingrid Brandl Galatea** forged her own path by serving as a loyal knight to Dimitri with her husband Ashe. Ironically, ALL of their children would end up with the Galatea crest, but she made the decision with Felix and Sylvain to put their own will and desires above the needs of crests and houses. She made sure her father had enough money to comfortably retire.

**Kronya** was convinced by Byleth to reassume the guise of Monica and return to the von Ochs house, where Monica's father was overjoyed to see "his daughter" be alive. Although those not privy to her secret were never the wiser, they did raise an eyebrow whenever Monica played with rats or ate out of the garbage.

**Jertiza von Hyrm **was imprisoned for his crimes. But through time, therapy, daily visits by Mercedes, pieces of his shattered humanity returned. His sister's love was so strong the Death Knight side never came out again, as the specter feared the Life Knight. Has dreams to open an ice cream shop. (The flavors he has in mind are all blood colored).

**Judith von Daphnel** returned to Alliance to govern her territory. Gloucester and Edmund criticized her cavalier assistance to Garreg Mach during the war, but her popularity and attitude made their words fall on deaf ears. Still hangs out with Nader. Has to turn down date requests from Balthus.

**Ladislavia** moved from Adestria to Leicester, becoming Lorenz's bride. She was surprised she was more known as Lady Gloucester than a knight of the Empire, but she cherished every piece of screentime she got. She did develop a bit of a tea drinking addiction.

**Leonie Pinelli** led a branch of the Eisner clan to patrol the Alliance and punish both the corrupt and bandits. Her sense of money became so impressive Anna gave her a side job as a loan officer, where she charges a fair 5% interest rate. Courted and married Bylad, and it is said she loves _him_, not Jeralt. But since Byleth beat her to the punch she had to name her dog after her mentor instead of her firstborn. (She would have 14 children)

**Linhardt von Hevring** continued his Crest studies with Hanneman, producing many papers in the months when he wasn't lazing about. Started a research institute to give his house much more prestige. After completing his final thesis, he decided to marry Lysithea. On a coin flip.

**Lorenz Hellman Gloucester** became Leader of the Alliance and enjoyed all the fame, popularity, and nobleness it came with. He still writes to Claude as a show of good will, but has to always check his mail for anything explosive. Adores his wife Ladislavia. Was declared the Best Tea Expert in the land.

**Lysithea von Ordelia** removed her Crests, restoring her hair and increasing her life span. With the success of her own research she gave her parents a comfortable future, and her marriage to Linhardt cemented peace between the Empire and the Alliance. Is disappointed her child is already taller than her.

**Manuela Casagranda **would return to the stage and sing in many of Dorothea's operas, bringing a new generation of fans (and stalkers). Her rivalry with Hanneman turned to friendship, and eventually the two were wed on a warm spring day. Still insists she has the biggest breast size in Fodlan.

**Marianne von Edmund **moved to Goneril territory to officially marry Hilda. Her adoptive father pleaded with her to return, but she made it clear her future was not with the Margave. Thanks to her Crest she even managed to conceive with Hilda. Adopted Dorte and several other horses.

**Mercedes von Martritz **comfortably balanced charity work, her marriage, and caretaking of her brother. Her reputation as the Life Knight spread so far that even the most hardened of bandits broke down in tears and begged for her forgiveness. Is still good friends with Annette.

**Nader** was Claude's most trusted ally in Almayra, and he and Holst decided to squash their eternal rivalry by one of the most destructive battles in recorded history. Taught the Almayrans how to dab. Still hangs out with Judith.

**Petra Macneary** became Queen of Briggid and maintained peace with both Dagda and the Empire. She has taught her people many Fodlan expressions; "hoes are the mad", "ok boomer", and more. Was offered her grandfather's harem but decided to decline, proclaiming her love and body was only for her husband. Would have 35 children but remained the strongest warrior in her country.

**Randolph von Bergliez** would have a hard life. In a desperate attempt to stay remembered and liked he used his cool uncle persona to spread booze and drugs, which the Emperor put a stop to. Fleche had to bail him out of jail several times. His house made her the head to watch over him.

**Raphael Kirsten** became one of the most well-known knights of the Alliance, his tales of bravery and mass capture spread far and wide. Wants his sister to marry Ignatz. Currently holds the record for the most amount of food ingested in an hour, but no one wants to challenge the record.

**Rhea Eisner** stepped down from leading the church to let her wife guide Fodlan. She had to carefully control what was revealed to the public about her history to avoid mass panics and riots. Together with Edelgard, Dimitri, and Byleth, she has created reforms to phase out the relevancy of Crests in society and push the world towards fair elections. She has acknowledged these changes will take time but she is determined to undo the damage she has caused.

**Rodrigue Achille Fradarius **continued to rule over his territory, walking the tightrope between his duties and being close with his remaining son. Leaves flowers on Glenn's grave regularly. When asked what he would do about succession (Felix was not going to marry a random woman just for politics) he laughed and said "whatever my son wishes. If you don't like it, you'll have to duel him!"

**Shamir Nevrand** continued her mercenary work thanks to her consistent and loyal employer Byleth. Travels from time to time with Catherine (whom she privately married, she said she would shoot people with arrows if there was some lavish ceremony). When visiting Dagda she walked into a civil war and ended up as the next Queen. But she refused the position and picked whoever was the best killer on the island.

**Sylvain Jose Gautier **enjoyed freedom from Crest life, and merely shrugged when his impatient father demanded he get it back and marry someone. He retorted with this recorded comeback: "I got my bro Felix for life. You want a Crest baby, YOU get it. Later Pops!". Flirts now just for sport, he enjoys men and women wondering endlessly about his sexuality. He is Felixsexual. (Felix wanted to punch him for saying this).

**Yuri Lecleric **teamed up with the Abyss residents to form a spy network across Fodlan…..for Anna. The two of them would find out pretty much anything, and while this made him gain a lot of enemies, he was never bored keeping an eye open for the next development. Became good friends with Ashe.

But what of **Seteth**…..**Saint Cichol** himself?

* * *

It was a bright and warm summer day. At the shore, Flayn and Rhea were playing with the Archibishop's three children.

But out on the water, in a small boat…..were Seteth and Byleth, backs to each other as they had their lures out. Fishing was a pastime for the whole family, and these two were the best of them all.

"Mm….I wonder if we'll catch some salmon today. Flayn wants some."

"I'm hoping for cod," Byleth said. "Rhea likes that a lot."

Seteth was more relaxed these days. He would release many successful children's books across Fodlan, and while he was always there to advise the Archibishop…the worst had been over for quite some time. So he sat in his fishing hat, a present his family gave him for his last birthday.

"…hey, Seteth."

"Hm?" He turned his head. "Yes, what is it, Byleth?"

Jeralt's daughter watched a fish's shadow. "Do you ever regret all that happened? How much we drove you crazy?"

"Ah ha…..it is true it was very taxing from time to time. But in the end, it all worked out well." Seteth eyed his own catch. "Fodlan is finally at peace."

"Yeah." Byleth began reeling her line in. "Hey Seteth?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you. For everything you've done."

The wise advisor to the Archibishop, one of the Four Saints, and the best fisher in Fodlan, simply smiled and began reeling his own line in.

"It was my pleasure."

* * *

**FIN**

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Byleth/Rhea was roughly the same logic as with Marianne, but a lot more....subtle? I figured with Byleth being merged with the Goddess OR Rhea's own origins, you could make either conceieve and not really bat an eye. Well it's crack either way. I'm only making a note since reviewers on FF.net were pretty confused by it.
> 
> Thanks for reading! This fic became insanely popular in such a short amount of time, and I'm glad so many of you enjoyed it. I do not have plans to do this for another game...honestly, I think I'm tapped out with the concept. But hey, if one of you feels inspired to try it yourselves, go ahead!
> 
> If you wanna read more FE stuff by me not only do I have the FE6 version of this, but a Radiant Dawn fic I'm going to pull out of hiatus after this, plus a whoooole bunch of one-shots and other stuff.
> 
> Have a fantastic day and I'll see you all next time! :)


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